Before word spreads via text messages and homing pigeons I thought I’d let y’all know that the house we were gonna buy? The one I gushed about in the post just below this one? The great big house in a nice location? Not buying it.  *waves hand* Portal to hell in the basement and all that rigamarole- it’s much too boring to speak of at length (and anyways, a gentlemen doesn’t get into such things as framing deflection “estimated to exceed the L/360 that is the industry standard.”)  Long story short is that we would have had the luxury of wondering whether we would first burn to death, be killed in a collapse, or burst into flames during the home’s collapse.


We’re in the market for a house that abides by the following criteria:

  1. Spacious, 4 bedroom or 3 bedroom+office
  2. Finished basement or a good basement space to finish off
  3. Close (relatively) to UW-Hosptial
  4. Wiring that won’t start the house on fire
  5. If existing additions exist, they were not built by two drunk fucking idiots on a summer weekend
  6. A nice kitchen or an older kitchen with enough room to bring it up to date

I’m fairly certain that this fantasy house does not exist.  As in, there is no house that meets our space/configuration requirements that is also close to anything we want to be close to.  Lots of time to search, yes yes.  We’ll soldier on, but I’m starting to really want to dropkick the Madison housing market to the fucking moon.  Fuck these dumbfuck yuppies that built terrible, horrible, badly-designed-and-constructed additions on nice classic homes.  So many fuckface yahoos have lived in these areas over the years and imposed their stupid-as-fuck visions on them that it’s impossible to see a simple house anymore.  All of the terrible fucking additions fall into three catgeories:

  1. Nicely designed, well-constructed additions that enhance the existing space (One house)
  2. Nicely designed, incredibly poorly constructed pieces of garbage that will fall apart at any minute or qualify for a guest spot on Holmes Inspection. (Vast majority of house we have seen)
  3. Poorly designed, poorly constructed nightmares that only a fool would pay money to own. (The rest of the houses we’ve seen)

Say lah vee motherruckers.

176 thoughts on “Nevermore

  1. So, “no” on the whole bubble thing? Or “no” on the higher education thing in general? Necessary? Unnecessary? Needs retooling? Or do we just need to add a “theoretical economics” degree?

    I was talking with some guys at my interview the other day and said I had been running a blog for 10 years but that it was mostly doofuses talking about theoretical economics. They didn’t get the joke, and I’m afraid they were actually impressed by the subject matter of my blog.

  2. Four standing ovations tonight for Braun. And a curtain call after the dinger. This is wwhazz. Sent from belly’s Iphone

  3. i paid $4.339 for gas at the pine cone on my way home… i was reminded of wwhazz toiling in the back kitchen mastering his eggs benedict technique, and whazzman being so enraged at paying $2.299 a few years ago that he scanned his receipt and told of the coming apocalypse.

    i saved my receipt if anyone wants to scan it.

  4. Re: higher ed bubble.

    Hell yes.

    The cost of higher ed (and the student loan system) is more insane than eros.

    Schools can set whatever price they want. The student, because of student loans and grants, can pay that cost.

    Me and madd both run hotdog stands. I change $1.99 for a hebejebe. Madddddddddddd charges $1000.

    Customer A has a $1, and needs a loan for the rest. The gov does not give a shit nor a flying fuck which dog the student selects.

    So some students pick my hotdog and leave lunch with a .99 cent loan. Some pick madddd’s wiener and leave with a $999 loan.

    Concerning higher ed:

    My school charges $2,289.61 per semester
    Cardinal Stench charges $11,120 per semester
    Beloit College charges $29,908 per semester
    Pop, pop, pop.

    To make matters worse, there are schools like U of Phoenix and other for profit hotdog stands that put all of their money into marketing.

    They hire people to recruit and help the students fill out the student loan paper work. These people are the highest paid people at the school. They make money based on commission, per student signed up.

    They pay their instructors for shit, offer ZERO bennies. For classrooms, they rent out the cheapest office space possible. They have open access, which means they allow ANYONE to enroll. They accelerate their programs to offer degrees as fast as possible.

    Watch this frontline if you want to know more:

    Getting angry at me and my college for outrageous benefits and salary is penny wise pound foolish. Some things are better run as a service, not a biz. I think higher ed is one of them.

  5. More on higher ed… and the Pine Cone.

    So UW Madison wants to leave the UW system and do its own thug thizzle. Which means set its own tuition prices. Which is SMART biz. You can charge whatever you want, right? Only an IDIOT would charge $1 for a hotdog when the next guy can charge $1000.

    Even with the insane student loan program, some consumers are sane enough to just say no. Wisco folks make wisco dime. Some will say no. East and west coast folks (and international fools) make different dime. They can afford the 27% price increase. So that means less wisco folks at our state’s flagship campus.

    Also, UW Mad can use this new money to hire fancy teachers and build fancy things. This will make more students want to come here. More students means more competition. Which means you need better grades and test scores to get in. More extracurricular activities and volunteer work.

    If you have a lot of money, you have time for activities and volunteer work.

    If you have a lot of money, you can hire a coach to explain to you the type of activities and volunteer work that will get you into UW Mad.

    If you have a lot of money, you can take courses that cost $1000’s to prep you for the ACT and the SAT.

    If you have a lot of money, you can attend a private school that offers resources and awesome college prep.

    Which means, if you have a lot of money, you can attend UW Madison.

    I spent my late high school days mastering the way of the egg. Before that, I was a dish dog. Working at the Cone helped make me who I am. I am thankful for this experience. At the same time, living in Madison (and attending the school) helped make me who I am.

    I fear that future dish dogs will be denied this experience.

  6. yo, dish dogs… uw mad is a parade by and for the system. if you want public service higher education, surrounded by the best of unspoiled wisconsin scenery, and urban nightlife with venues crowded with the friendly and energetic, try out uw lax… like many geniuses before you have.

    otherwise, if you’re not a fucking dolt, just start your own company, AND MAKE SOME MONEY LIKE A MAN, PUSSY.

    LIKE A MAN PUSSY)(&#^)&(!#%*)(_!#%

  7. i didn’t study for 2 seconds for the ACT… or 1 second, or -3.6 seconds or any other value for number of seconds i might have studied… i got a perfect score on the math portion, and high enough on the fascist indoctrinated communication portion that no uw school could turn me down… cover letter: “FUCK YOU”…. response: “ACCEPTED”.

    what uw mad seceding is really about, is closing this “loophole” so they can keep our nations real thinkers OUT. THEY ARE A NUISANCE. THEY TELL EVERYONE WHAT WE DO WRONG)&#%!)(&!#%

    AND THEY ARE RIGHT)(*#%)&(!#%^)(*!#%*()!#%

    DISH DOGS)(&!#^)(&!#%*()_#&()#%@^

  8. the mail man ran into my mailbox yesterday and bent the handle on the front flap and twisted the whole thing.

    pretty sure that is a felony, ASSHOLE)(&!#^)(&*!#

  9. at chuotch for easter on the way out, i watched a super old lady get in a minivan and back right into a jeep broadside… busted out her back window and put a giant van sized dent in the side of the jeep.

    old people are silly.

    she ignored the other driver, went to the back of her van and got her knees to pick up the parts of her bumper and rear wiper that had fallen off… when she stood up, i said to rach, “she is risen, indeed”

    i’m silly.

  10. i started hustling restaurants in middle school and had to WORK MY WAY UP to dish dog. the dish dogs were on the main stage… part of the show… i was kept in the basement with an AM radio glued to 620 WTMJ. good gig. kept me flush in candy and video games and trading cards… and raw cash… a fan of 20s…. oooooooooooooooh. COUNT THEM AGAIN.


  11. tom green is back in L.A. for a few days on break from his standup tour… he’s going live at in about an hour.

    skype in to the show… it’s a good time.

  12. prediction: will ferrrelll will, in character on NBC’s hit series “The Office”, begin to use the retort,

    “is THAT what she said?”

    america will follow.

    catch question?

  13. That bird was pretty sweet. Also liked the lady that wanted to marry Braun.

    They had Braun call her after the game, but her mailbox was full. I’m pretty she she gave Tully a handi.

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