149 thoughts on “The Healthy Hacker

  1. I’m cool with the last two losses. We were peaking too early.

    It’s like in poker: win a bunch of chips, then burn some off doing dumb shit before getting back to biz.

  2. And we did some DUMB shit: 2 errors lead to a 2-1 loss (and that crazy move where they tried to move Prince to 3rd with a Uni B bunt…)

    And then the slam and Braums caught stealing and his crazy crash around turd.

  3. real life poker: win a bunch of chips, then burn some off doing dumb shit before busting out on the bubble before the playoffs and fielder pisses on your face and flips milwaukee the bird as his new G5 takes off.

  4. the FSN booth strokes riney’s dick every time he calls a sac bunt… he can’t not do it now.

    my favorite play is showing bunt, pull it back, homer.

    some commercial during the game has 2 dudes on the couch and a voice on the tv says “what is the most difficult play in baseball?” the d0000ds look stumped, then mom walks by and says “unassisted triple play”, and the tv confirms, and everyone goes nuts.

    difficult =/= rarest, morons.

    if anything the unassisted triple play is the easiest in baseball… double steal hit and run line drive to the 2nd baseman… done.

  5. another stupid commercial:

    energy drink ad on tv within energy drink ad: “our drink cures die-a-betes…[many more claims]”

    break out in the original ad for “WorX”, “come on everyone, you know that no product can do any of these things”.

    i didn’t think i knew that.

    DIE indeed. you can’t be cured homie. YOU KNOW THAT.

  6. yeah, don’t even bother doing that walk… i mean, come on everyone, you know it’s

    #FUTILE

    cal is the worst.

  7. these thursday night preseason games are really pissing me off. i like my football on SUNDAY, after CHURCH.

    #JOWRIGGEDJOKE

  8. fucking exact same start… 2 1st inning homers by same dudes.

    if hart hits a homer, i’m smashing my head through ever tv i can find.

  9. that old dude behind home plate sitting alone with the old style logo (the shitty blocky MB right after the g-love logo)…. he pisses me off. get a new hat. i’m not saying throw it away… i have that exact hat in my garage… 2 of them… 1 fitted, 1 not… just get a new hat. i’ll buy you a new hat.

    wait… maybe he is being ironic.

    #weirdoldd0000d

  10. fucking national badgers game at same time… son of fuck.

    cal, why do you do this shit to me?????

    you SUCK

  11. i am very frustrated.

    yesterday: homer, homer, salami.
    today: homer, homer, salami.

    at least the pitcher didn’t hit it????

    fuck everything.

  12. old d000d’s old wife has the all pink hat with the all white g-love logo. between them they have the worst hats of any couple in the stadium.

    i would like to get to know them better.

  13. i am very very pissed at reggie miller. i wish he would LEAVE.

    i am also very very full. rach-o never lets me get rocky’s because she says the sauce is too sweet. no clue what the fuck she’s talking about.

    #ROBUST

  14. i would like to write an article for cws about technology in sports RE: replays.

    remember the shoe polish play? physical evidence. old school.

    now we got 1000 computers showing 50 angles of a heel slamming into the ground, but none are close enough to be conclusive… BUT THE FUCKING HEEL MADE A GIANT DIVOT IN THE GROUND…. GO LOOK AT IT(*^!%#(*^&!#%()*&!#^

    fucking retards with their necks stuck in a pup-tent on the sidelines.

    #probablyjackingoff

  15. if the divot touches chalk, then KC needs to walk… back… to the line of scrimmage… to try again…….

    #JOW
    #RIGGED
    #JOKE

  16. article 2: icing the kicker with invalid challenges.

    what is the penalty? what is to prevent a coach from doing it?

  17. i was flipping… but to it was very boring to watch the badgers HUMILATE UNLV… flip to ESPN to join the rest of the nation, wait like 15 seconds, touchdown badgers… flip back to packers… green bay’s throwaway players are beating the KC 1st string in a close game being played hard that the packers would eventually win.

    reggie does not belong at miller park. take that stupid b hat off. did you tell people it stood for “brewers”? did they not laugh?

    you SUCK.

    you CAL suck.

    #REGGIE)*&(@#^)&*(!#%^()*&!#^%(&*!#%()&*^#!()&*!#^

  18. i want someone to take that entire braun FIASCO and do the following:

    braun steps to the plate and we hear his inner monologue. crowd noise is almost completely drowned out.

    “Yeah… Reggie. REGGIE! He finally made the trip… just to see me. to hang out with olllll’ brauny. (with attitude:) to watch me do what i does. this is a big step in our relationship. from neighbors, to bro neighbors, to THIS. i want to kiss him so bad. i have to make him want to kiss me”

    CRACK! cut speed to 1/3rd, crowd noise is louder, back to braun’s inner monologue.

    “boom. too easy. (sarcastically:) oh wow, pitchy… you can make the ball move a few inches in a few different ways… did you think that would stop brauny? did you think it would stop him from giving his ‘more than bro neighbor’ reggie fucking jackson a reason to kiss him?? watch me round second reg. watch me close.”

    reggie is sitting alone directly above and in the center of the dugout on the 1st base side. braun rounds second gracefully. as the song “sometimes when we touch” begins to play.

    “oh yeah… perfect form. (to himself in excitement but not surprise:) reggie is going to eat your face. a uniform transfer of force from my heal to toes in an arc around 2nd specifically chosen to flex my buttocks in sync with reggie’s viewing angle. Perfect. i’m going to eat his face back just as perfect.”

    the outfielder botches the play… close call to try and run.

    “if i make an inside the park homer reg will want to kiss me forever!!”

    as braun rounds third he looks with seductive eyes where he knows reggie was seated… with the crowd on their feet, braun sees reggie still seated in his chair, turned around, buying a pepsi.

    back to normal speed. braun crashes. cut to reggie sipping his pepsi.

  19. last week of preseason for the defending superbowl champs is like season finale of apprentice: NFL edition. it’s a final interview for a job that pays more than the president. bullshit to you, but free high stakes reality entertainment. i watch people play poker on tv.

    #lifeafterbabies

  20. That reggie stuff should go up on brians sister site: cwsraw.com

    I didn’t think to focus my anger on reggie… I was just angry. This is so much better.

  21. Yeah, my neighbor’s mom prohibited cheering for Molly because of the drugs. This was back pre- Kindergarten, so 1980-ish.

    Also, the old bartenders at Jo Cats told marvelous tales about his partying prowess, including one ditty about brewer groupies doing lines of coke off his erect boner. Imagine if he had had access to two ropes.

    And of course Belly partied with him at Crusin’ Chubbies.

    The Ignitor.

  22. i had a legit shrine to d00d. still do. is it cool to wear/wash an autographed jersey? i kind of want to wear it, but feel i shouldn’t.

    #snortcokeoffit

  23. Wwhazz again. Mobile on the bell phone with an update: Dave k is intoxicated, buying the bar.

    #genetics

  24. Dave in the corner, quietly eating cake. Opening cords of bust a move… He pushes the cake aside and grabs his camera. Duty calls.

  25. topoLOgiCAL?

    rach-o runt off with her sisters and left me with the HWK. we had a pretty solid brewer party in the trubbroom, but she passed out around 8.

  26. Last night a dude asked if your dad was my dad. We told him no, one of our other friend’s dad. And he was all who? And we were all, you dont know him.

    But then I was, remember that song about sodomy we were listening to when we played poker?

    And he was all the nasty boys?

    And I was all, it’s the nasty brothers– he’s dad to both.

    And then we drank Jamo.

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