Turn the Page

Well you walk into a restaurant,
Strung out from the road
And you feel the eyes upon you
As you’re shakin’ off the cold
You pretend it doesn’t bother you
But you just want to explode

-Bob Seger

Lonely horn riff.

Looking back, we did indeed live in charmed times.  At one time it appeared that the Brewers would win the World Series, the Badgers would waltz into the National Championship, and Packers would go undefeated and bring home another Super Bowl.  One by one those items came off the table, and we looked with longing eyes to the next on the list.  By the time we got down to the just the Packers it was no sweat: that was the one we were most sure of.

Apologies to everyone at the party for my abrupt departure; I needed to go somewhere and throw heavy weights around to get my mind off of all the blowjobs those men-in-suits-talking-about-sports were gonna give Eli “Mushroomhead” Manning.  My therapy worked fairly well– I worked out real hard and then almost couldn’t walk afterwards.

This would normally be the space where I triumphantly announce that it’s only one month until pitchers and catchers report (Feb 19!) except that with the whole Ryan-Braun-injecting-crushed-up-Flintstones-vitamins-directly-into-his-balls cloud hanging over the Brewers I’m not sure how excited to get about even that.  Sorry, didn’t mean to turn this post into a downer.

Hey, next week is wwhazz’s millionth birthday. Let’s all go play air hockey at Union South!  LET’S EAT GRANDMA!

348 thoughts on “Turn the Page

  1. The fever, it’s contagious. Next year I want to go up and play this stupid game. I think I can bring my mushroom skills into play.

  2. I texted cal. He is not leaving Arden. His clue breakdown is convincing. He’s been out for the last 4 hours.

  3. ok. i didnt’ find it. but i think im hot on the trail.

    1) madd is useless, i don’t fault him however, it’s tough to do this from afar. i thought possibly the lure of cold cash would be enough to awaken the internet sluth inside him but alas…

    2) last night i noticed some message boards hitting on Tony Schmidt Park in arden hills. i was like, the hell with that. where the hell is arden hills anyway? so i go to google map it. i entered :Schmidt park arden” or something. a map pops up and to the right the first thing I see is: AS YOU LIKE IT. some paining business in new york or somthing. anyway. check clue 6: “Sort it out as you like it – opportunity knocks.” i caught the allusion to the shakespere play right away… just couldn’t connect the dots. i wikipedied it and everything… nothing… character names didin’t mean anything. turns out i missed the fact that the play AS YOU LIKE IT. is set in ARDEN FOREST. a clear reference to ARden Hills north of st.paul but still in ramsey county (think outside the box)

    3) another reason why madd can’t do this is it’s very politiCAL. the vikings are in talks to build a stadium and everybody cares apparenlty. one of the proposed sites is in arden hills… and apparantly the pioneer press (newspaper: they put this hunt on every year) has a stake in it… so for whatever reason they want it built in arden hills…. how about we get every st.paul asshole to drive to arden hills so see how close and nice it is up there? plus there are a lot of vikings references in the clues: red and blue= purple (i think madd picked up on this one) and Devin Aromashodu is vikings player… “you should do what A ROMAN SHOULD DO= Aromashodu.

    4) so we’ve got arden hills for sure…. now which park? first went to Hazelnut park. crack the nut. shaped like a triangle ( thinking outside the box) but it’s a small park and unlikely. so we went to Schmidt park where people say it is… huge park…

    5) to the west of schmidt park is New Brighten Way (brighten your way) to the east of Schmidt is McCrackin Lane ( get crackin) so we followed a trail til we were inbetween those streets on the map.

    6) now for today’s clue. we were right inbetween those places and were looking for a “special claim” like a historiCAL marker or plaque or soemthing…. nothing doing. but then we noticed a giant bird house (dad later informed me it’s a wood duck house) about 20 feet up in a tree.

    so we’re right where we think is a likely place on the map and here’s this giant bird house:

    Many there are in many a park;
    Find the right one, and you’re close to the mark.
    Think big, and you’ll be right in the game
    When you spot a place with a special claim.

    boo yaaa… many bird houses… here’s a big ass one… game like something you hunt… special claim like the bird laid claim to the tree… it’s on. we dug the hell out of the entire snow covered trail all over… up hills around trees under logs… nothing. eventually we had to go but that is right where we are going next. it’s there i know it!!!

    7) now, madd, stop with the highland crap. move forward. arden hills man arden hills!

  4. also, if anybody is still reading this crap, a big park is much more likely. in the good old days it could have been anywhere, but it’s now so popular that if it isn’t found by the 12th final clue (this wednesday at 11:30) the clue spells out exactly where the thing is and THOUSANDS of people converge on the area. so it needs to be in a big park where people won’t be trampling on private property. i think schmidt park fits the bill.

    there are other parks around schmidt (like perry park) and on the maps it looks as if they are separate but really the run together so it’s tough to know where you are exactlly when you’re there…

  5. i have to work (ahem, volunteer) monday and tuesday but i’m free all day wed and will be hunting all day. if hasn’t been found by wed and any of you fools wants to join i encourage you to make the trip. its going to be nuts.

  6. where is everybody? i thought we had a deal. i need INFORMATION. the forums are useless USELESS! #goingtobednow

  7. are there any stakes around the duckhouse on the trail? maybe you have to pull up the stake and then dig there…

    what if someone moved the stake?

    i’d like some inside on how they hide this thing… do they do it in the summer? i would think people from the paper would get stalked.

  8. smash tv was the first 3d shooter… the interface made the game… same as whazz… i just searched for a similar game and found one:

    zombie apoCALypse

    same shit… swarms of dumb enemies who don’t know how to flank… one stick moves you, one fires your weapon in the direction you point it.

    i just got the demo, but i’m 99% going to plop the $9.99 down.

    also just got sonic generations purely for the 3D… it’s good too.

    my zombie game just finished installing, off to kill them.

  9. one of the review said the game was a ripoff of robotron

    but basically if you want 2 sticks, no buttons… that’s the best game you can make.

    i also liked the tank game, where you can just push the sticks up or down independently, but they also have buttons on the top to fire.

  10. I was on google map and texting you all day, thsts it i wish I could join in but I gotta work. Next year. But you have made a convincing case. Doubt it’s high up though, lawsuits and all.

    I’m also interested in this zombie game.

  11. oh man… “two miles” is in the clue…

    what if all the clues to this point have just been pointing a marker, and the medallion is really 2 miles away? would those pipresspricks do something like that????

  12. everything else pointed to that duck house on a post…

    “fall” is in the clue, and they never say “don’t” so i’m pretty sure you can knock that fucker over and dig at the base until you hit water lines.

    “yield” just means let others do it first in their presence.

  13. i tried to buy zombie game… but PSN won’t let me change my credit card, so i can’t buy it until i deal with their customer support or just buy a prepaid card at TERRRRRGIT.

    yaa, hey, dontchaknow?

  14. the northwest section of road on schmidt park looks like a dick head… and then there is a road around the base of the head… if ever there was a road that was interfacial.

    #gizpun

  15. Do you know how pissed I’m going to be when somebody else finds this stupid thing when I know right where it is????????

  16. zombie apoCALypse is awesome… they made a sequel… “never die alone”… and it really sucks. they made the maps more expansive, and then had a bunch of people follow you around and you can switch between who are you are controlling with more buttons and generally it just sucks.

    worst sequel of all time: BUBBLE BOBBLE 2

  17. Cla’s is part of the first family of St Paul treasure hunting.

    Or they are pals with the paper and cheat.

  18. Following him around on google maps and texting him yesterday was really fun.

    Shit! I wish I could be there. Finding stuff, I am a GRAND finder!

  19. ok in the light of day things are not so dire. I don’t think it gives away my birds… five PM rolls around and I’m back on the hunt. I will have my day in the sun!!!

  20. I had a weird gambo adventure on Saturday. We were in H-Town and Belly’s sister had to coach volleyball in De Pere. It’s like 10 min from the casino in GB so I went along for the ride.
    The GB casino is split in two for some reason. Out by the airport, you have the main casino with slots, craps, and roulette. In the middle of the city, there is a satellite casino with slots and the poker room.
    The poker room opens at 10:00—I got there at 9:50 and there was a full list, Hmong dudes and old men loitering but the game didn’t start until 11:00. Booooooooooooo.
    I killed the time by sipping coffee and following cla around St Paul with my phone. I also had a gambo mini-adventure, plopped $5 in a 15 cent video poker machine and turned it into $17 by hitting a str8 flush. I took the $17 to video roulette and lost $8 on the first spin, cashed out, put the $9 in a dollar slot which turned into $20 in two spins. Cashed the twank and played cards.
    The only game in town was one table of 3-6 limit. Perfect. It was a perfect mix of old men, bored dudes waiting for NL, and problem gambo Hmong. The bored NL dudes waaaaaaay overbought for the game, $200 plus, and the old men and Hmong waaaaaay underbought, $30-50.
    Lots of CALling and lots of capped preflop pots. Juicy pots. A good game. I only played an hour but flopped a full house from the big blind (58s on a 558 flop) and won an $80 pot. I ended up winning $100 total. BasiCALly, I won back the money I lost last weekend at Chunk.

  21. i had to look this word up today… not much help… it seems the word is its own antonym.

    non·plussed/nänˈpləst/
    Adjective:
    1) (of a person) Surprised and confused so much that they are unsure how to react.
    2) (of a person) Unperturbed.

  22. the spammers are shaking you down to clean up spam??

    just add a “HOLLLARIT?” cell to the form. BOOM. done. cal sucks.

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