I Am In India

I am in France. It is 8am here but in reality it is 1:26AM Central Time.  The Paris airport is odd; Gucci and Burberry stores everywhere I don’t think I can afford to even breath the air in here.  I don’t know how much this internet is costing me but I’ll just go ahead and assume it’s a ton.

The flight from Detroit to Paris was uneventful; I didn’t have the fancy-as-shit lie-flat seats for that leg (although I think I have one on the next flight) but the service and food was amazing.  The nice lady in the seat next to mine dumped a glass of red wine on me when they came to collect our dinner plates. Sad time.  I slept for about 2 hours.  I have to say it was odd to get on the plane at 6pm (light out!) fly across the ocean and get out at 8am (light out!) while not having 14 hours actually elapse.

It just occurred to me that you fools might be hanging out.  Nope, just checked and you’re not.

So anyways here I am in Paris.  Well, the Paris airport at any rate.  I’ll be moseying along to India in about 2 hours.

My Itinerary: 1 hour flight to Detroit, 4 hour layover in Detroit, 8 hour flight to Paris, 3 hour layover in Paris, 9 hour flight to Bangalore.  Left Madison at noon on Thursday and I will get into Bangalore at 11:45pm Friday.  I’m meeting Fuddruckus on the other side of the planet for breakfast on Sunday.  He’ll likely be late.

[UPDATE 1]  I am in India.  Had a snafu at the airport and couldn’t find the driver so I took a shady-as-hell cab to the nicest hotel I’ve ever stayed in.  My room is dope as hell, and I’m starting to unwind from The Eternal Traveling.  It’s 2:06am local time and my body has no idea at all what to do.  Not real sleepy, not entirely hungry.  I think I’ll drink a beer? Maybe?  More to come; the weekend is for jet lag recovery and figuring out how to do a speedy INR-to-USD conversion in my head.

[UPDATE 2] I am in India.  I spent the vast majority of my day drinking champagne at various sites in the city.  Met Fuddruckus for coffee in the morning and then had a bottle of prosecco at the Lotus Pavilion. Later on we met up with some other Intuit folks for brunch at the Leela Palace; holy hell was it expansive and delicious.  I fell asleep at 9:30pm but am now completely awake at 3:30am.  Today is gonna be one tiring affaire. Did the Packers win?

[UPDATE 3] I am in India. Spent the day here with the rest of the team. It culminated in drinking Budweiser at a nearby resort and having a dance contest with a coworker that drank a bottle of wine during lunch.  #iwon  Going out shopping with fuddruckus before he heads back murica but later tonight I’ll update with more and answer scientist’s questions from comments.

[UPDATE 4] I am in India. Q&A Time! I am sleeping well these days, and I woke up this morning and hit the gym for awhile.  Now I’m sitting in the pavilion drinking Kingfisher and reading the internet while I install a build from the India servers to my triage machine.  As such, I have the luxury of time and so I will answer some questions I have received:

  1. how is butt? exploding? No, my digestive track is holding up pretty well.
  2. how is not getting kidnapped? kidnapped?  No, I have not been kidnapped.
  3. how is champagne? cheaper? Way more expensive, but hard to tell because of exchange rates.
  4. how is fudddddddd? escaped back to amurika? He achieved exit velocity two nights ago and should be back in the Yay Area now.

Regarding the Flat Tire Disaster of Oh-12:

  1. was it a joyful learning experience? Joyful? No. Learning Experience? Yes.
  2. was it a slightly annoying repressed anger feigned smiles experience? It’s hard to be angry about a flat tire when you look out your car window (on your 45 minute-to-2 hour commute) and see unbridaled poverty and destruction everywhere, all the time.  Like, if you ever have a meeting scheduled with someone in Bangalore and they are 10 minutes late I implore you to not be mad or give them shit.  They were possibly detained by literally a cow being in the middle of the road.  Not a rural road either, a downtown throroughfare.  Like if Market St traffic in SF was ground to a halt because a bike hit a cow.
  3. was it an all out scream fest? did you chastise the driver? the driver’s company? the people that set you up with the company? No, no, no, and no.  We felt real bad for the guy and tipped him extra huge ($20 ~ Rs 1000 which the biggest bill available in this currency) because he had to pay for the new tire(s) himself.  The whole “hole in the tire and then the spare tire was also flat” situation happened Monday, but on Thursday when we arrived at the office we got out and the damn new tire had a giant hole in it.  The driver looked sad and then we felt sad.

[UPDATE 5] I am in India.  I’m at the hotel’s Sunday Brunch right now. Really nice (though not as wonderful as the Leela Palace brunch last weekend), but something is starting to get to me.  I realize that this paints me in an unflattering, stupid-american light but I’m starting to lose my shit with regard to eating.  I’m down to about one meal per day because I’m starting to not be able to stand Indian cuisine at every meal.  I’m usually eating a VERY large breakfast because the buffet at the hotel includes many Americanized dishes I can gorge on before I head to work with the looming lunch choice of <Insert Something> Curry and Rice or a McDonald’s Spicy Chicken sandwich.  In the eight days I’ve been here I’ve eaten dinner three times, with one being a team dinner at another swank hotel, and two being pizza from room service.  I must commend the ITC Garndenia on their pepperoni, bell pepper, and fontina pizza: it is GOOD.  The restaurant also makes a very, very good asparagus and pea risotto.

I just decided I’m going to eat nonsense for brunch today and skip dinner again. I’m already TIPSY~! on two big rum & cokes (hi spacebee!) so I figure I’ll stuff myself with biryani, sushi, veggie fried rice, and a shitload of desserts and then sleep the afternoon away.  I may call up Fudd’s homey Anup (a very liberal local Intuiter) to hit some kind of karaoke tonight, I guess we’ll see if I’m hungover by 4pm or not.

Also, hurray to Taipei Assassins for winning the League of Legends Season 2 World Championships!  I had a very fun (if early) morning drinking hotel room coffee and yelling at the internet.  That shit was seriously 1000 times more entertaining than the Super Bowl.

230 thoughts on “I Am In India

  1. I’m back in America you jerks STOP CCing ME ON FACEBOOK INVESTMWNTVTHREADS I DON’T CARE IF JAY BREUNIG GOES BANKRUPT &$)($&””!)(;:/:)$@@@

  2. i am just learning most pop fantasy gambling, but during the recent draft i was 100% sold on JORDY for a 1st round pick. ALL IN.

    hind-sight, would that have been a good move? how would a team who started JORDY every game have done so far?


  3. i am going to win this

    i am going to state “i am on JORDY’s dik”… but then i’ll explain the penis euphemisms are appropriate because the chat is already called a “hangout”… i mean… come on… we’re talking about diks.


  4. for all of my amazement with nature, an 18 month old human is still way more capable and cunning.

  5. I hope you win the Jordy chat. That would be awesome. Jordy won me some skrill in the daily games last week.

    I was 10th out of 97 in the $1 tournament and won $2.

    I was 4th in a 1352 man freeroll and won $30

    I took 39th of 177 in a $10 tournament and won $0.

    I took 1st of 117 in a $1 and won $15 plus a ticket that is worth about $20.

    I’ll holler at you tonight. I’ll let you make a $10 team just because I think you are swell and we can split the winnings. The affiliate and referral game seems like it is lucrative.

  6. Lifetime, I am up like $30 bucks. I mostly play $1 and $2 games. I was up $100 something but I entered a bunch of $20 games the last week of baseball and crashed and burned.

    I have been a kunt hair away from $1000 paydays twice.

  7. whenever rach-o is rounding up the kids she says in my krispy kreme voice, “GET UR HEELS ON”


  8. so, we all pay $billions for the FBI to shit on our rights and erode our freedoms, and when some lawyer-fucks call them on it, then we all have to shell out another half-milli for the lawyers, all while we keep paying the FBI to shit on us some more?!


  9. i am playing a half twank of other peoples money and i’m nutty. not sure i can handle this level of gambo. might ruin sport for me.

  10. dropped balls are causing mad physical reaction… i have the QB and the WR… the yards and TDs would count TWICE(*^!#%&(*!#^&(*!#^)&*(

    drop drop drop.

    i hate this.

  11. $200 just SITTING there.

    i thought it was $500 winner take all and i was still cool with it.

    $50 rake is insane.

    cal, i can build these sites with ease. get us some licenses and lets get rich. YOU HAVE TO PAY YOUR BILLS, CHARLIE(*&!#%)&*(!#%)*(!#^

  12. rach-o to me: why would you pick roethesburger… he’s a rapist.
    me: because he’s a winner… otherwise he would just be an attempted rapist

  13. The rake is often insane. You can find overlay but there are websites that alert you when there is overlay, so shit fills last second.

    I just view it as $9 plus 1 instead of 10 plus 1.

  14. yeah, i get that, but i always felt my edge in poker was unstoppable… most of the d00ds in this have huge numbers for winnings, so they know what they are doing.

    they probably lost just as much though… that’s the thing with tax law… if you played $50k in tourneys and cashed $40k, you would be down $10k, but still own taxes on that $40k of “winnings”, so it would be taxed as “jackpot earnings” rather than “earned income” so it’s like 50% rate too…. so you gamble 50k and end up with 20k.

    when gambling is raked like this, any winnings should be treated money “not lost” instead of “won”.


  15. i don’t see profit, but i do see a way to get me worked up and smell a bunch of free money………. maybe that’s all i need.

  16. cal, feel free to attempt to exploit my technological prowess as i attempt to exploit your bought legal credentials…


  17. get rid of roeths fumble and interception and i’m in the money… have wallace catch 2 of those 3 TD drops and i’m in 1st.


    i don’t like this.

  18. i am way proud of that rape joke, and not at all ashamed, and proud of how ashamed i am considering how proud i am…. and proud

  19. wallace just dropped another key pass bringing up 4th down. i am mad. i am as mad as i presume the person that actually cuts wallace’s checks to be.


  20. “A LOT IN PLAY”

    most understated cometary ever(*&#%^(&*!#^)(&*!#^)*(!#^*)(!^#\

    i hate this.

    i long for 12 tabling poker. fuck bill frist. fuck america. fuck cal. gino xl… look… i’m down with you… i never understood the beef. that’s on me. but, fuck bill frist. seriously.

  21. casino’s can’t capital on fantasy sports, because it would require them to provide functional networked terminals for every user… if they were ever all used, that would create chaos… you can’t stop people from setting their lineups…. #RIGGED. so casinos don’t want to be involved, so no problem… #gambogambo. but after moneymaker whazzed the WSOP, casinos could create 20 jobs and make $50k a day on a poker room. fuck you online poker, we run the poker game. NOT YOU. watch… you see that speaker of the house with the power to arbitrarily add content to bills that have already been voted on at 4:59pm at the last minute of the last day of session, and have that change inserted AS LAW, having never been voted on, oh… and we gave him $20,000,000, reported that publicly, after which he immediately resigned any public office, and retired to florida…… oh, and that law still stands……. and cal fucking mops the entry way to circuit court and does NOTHING(*)&#%^)&(!#%)&(!#^)&(*!#^)*(^! CAL)(*&#!^)*(!#^)*(!^#)*(!#^)*(


  22. 1st and goal with 1:+ left….. up by 7

    FUCK…. these idiots are going to kneel i bet… FUCK)&*(#%^)(&!#%)&(*^!#%()*

    GO FOR IT PUSSIES)*(&!#%)&*(!#^)&*(!#^)&*(^#!)*(#^*&()^#!)*(!^#)*(!^#


  24. ok… i got 14th of 55th… 10th paid back the buy-in.

    i think i was sloppy as there were 2 of the 9 category picks that i wanted to adjust… fully understanding that those changes might require changes to other categories… but the countdown time was below 0, so i thought i might have lost my spot in the game, so SUBMIT.

    my defense sucked, i was told by PAL to get home defense, but i BOLDly passed on OAK at home for TITS away. i LOVE tits away. and back… and away…… they got me 1 point… but OAK would have got me 4. those extra 3 points would have put me in 12th…. still no pay.

    i am way too easily pulled into games…. i’ve been watching twitch.tv and got my windows machine back up to snuff, and ready to get a LoL account or whatever. i can beat that game.

  25. i guess i need a “raid team” or whatever first.

    pretty sure i can get that juggling fool at the mall gaming store to play… he knows i’m down…. i got the SONIC foxtail…. i know what’s up. he’ll be my POWER MID. you’ll fear me when the dragon spawns, but die before me as the baron is slain.


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