124 thoughts on “Opening Day 2013

  1. there really was a dead rabbit though… it’s still there. waiting for garbage day to scoop him up. or maybe i’ll just throw it in the woods and let the crows feast….

    #DELICIOUSCITYRABBIT

  2. my front hallway is 2 stories, and there is a big window up above the door… i’ve always wanted to put a stained glass window in there…. i just got an amazon ship alert…. i don’t remember ordering anything…

    looks like i just went for prisms instead…
    1 of these
    2 of these
    1 of these
    and 1 of these

    #FRONTHALLWAYRAINBOWALLTHEWAY

  3. i’m down with the crystal prism thing. i’d prism it up too if i had one. you doods watching game of thrones? i watched the whole shizzle in like three days this wekeend. lots of foxy queens and chopping off of heads. #absurdlynerdy

  4. rach-o does… i can’t follow it. i am bad with names if it doesn’t rhyme with something poop related, or is 3 letters long.

    a few days ago i saw a video that was like “get caught up on game of thrones in 9 minutes”… so i decided for the good of my marital union, that i would spend the 9 minutes. i got about 30 seconds in before giving up.

    i’m not a fan.

    the other show she watches and also had it’s season premier last night is “mad men”… i also don’t watch that one even though i’ve tried.

    rach-o popped a bottle of moet white star and said “i’m gettin boozed up for my shows”. i don’t recall ever seeing her more excited. those shows are so stupid.

  5. ITS)*(&!@#%)&*(!#^)*&(!#^

    UUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG(*&^%(&*^!@*()&!^#)*(!^#

    hallways of time….. FOREVER IT’S()!%^&)(*^!#&*(!%#&*(!^$*(&!^#

  6. so funny. a few years ago somebody recommended those game of thrones books to me and i got about 100 pages into the first one and i was like whhhhaaa? I was overwhelmed by all the nerdocity AND i have a damn high nerd tolerance.

    So i thought “I can invest serious energy into this stupid book and study the goddam maps and family trees of made up nobility of hobbit town or whatever… or i can can it.” and I still plunged on anyway. Then about another 100 pages I STILL didn’t get it or care. AND the writing was atrocious. every sentence went: subject, verb, long ass nerdy description of some goddam ancient lamp or harp or crossbow. I’ll make up an example:

    “The kings errand boy, Wittlethorp, groomed the horses and tended the stables everyday from morning ’til dusk. Since the time of Groscemel the Wicked, The kings horses had been groomed with Golden Brushes smithed by elves with the finest Elvan LightMetal.”

    seriously dude, like i give a fuck. it’s ok a few times but every page? EVERY PAGE???? so at that point I just started skimming and being like.. ok he’s brushing the horses.. bla bla bla…. hes talking to the king… bla bla bla… he’s getting jumped by robbers…. skim skim skim… but then they’ll make some reference to Groscemel or Wittlethorp and i’ll be like wait what? who? and on and on and on.

    SO THEN

    HBO made the show i was like HELLS YEAH i’ll just watch the damn show! and then i tried to watch the show and i was like whhhhhaaaa? even though i sort of knew all the characters i was confused and it was seriously boring as fuck politics of hobbit town city counsel meetings and pathetic flashes of boobs. The show goes like this: acting acting acting… BOOBS! acting acting acting HEAD CUT OFF! BOOBS! acting acting boring boring BOOBS!

    so i gave up AGAIN.

    SO THEN.

    i did what maddd did and watched some season one recap thing on youtube. and i pretty much got it since i ALREADY SPENT MANY HOURS ON THIS DUMB SHIT and after the recap i started on season two.

    a lost weekend later now i love it. #endofstory

  7. here’s a good story

    cops overvalue drugs for years in order to justify their own budget and harsher penalties for FREEDOM LOVING AMERICANS, then drugs are legalized, police continue being DUMB FUCKS, and now their math is getting thrown back at them.

    enjoy bankruptcy, county commissioners office. you’re all fucking idiots.

    #DIESLOW

  8. flowering bud plants similar to marijuana like marshmallow leaf, chamomile, mugwort, raspberry leaf, etc….. all sell for $1 an ounce.

    the war on drugs is a giant jerk off run by the drug cartels themselves simply to inflate profits.

    enough is enough.

    #FUCKOFF

  9. i was going to complain about AVG, ERA, and WHIP… all my slaves are doing very VERY bad… i have a 2 in like all the categories… but the dirty burgers have 1.

    i was thinking about people that started a pitcher for like 1 inning and got a 0 ERA and WHIP…. why not just take the guaranteed 26 points and not start another pitcher for the rest of the season, and load up on 2nd rate short stops and make sure you’re entire offense lineup is playing every game?????????

    it’s far too late for me… FART-OO-LATE.

    #WHIP9827359871356

  10. you’d get 29 points on the pitching side… that’s like an average of 6 per category… not terrible.

  11. punt pitching and bank on volume offense……….. WHAT WOULD THE MIZ DO????!#%*()&!#^%)&()(&*!#%^

  12. i remember when real americans killed each other and blew up government buildings.

    #REALSHIT

  13. the price is right showcase today included a “$1200 gift certificate to krispy kreme”

    1st off…… FUCK KRISPY KREME. suing a little kid and his friends for making awesome free entertainment????? FUCK OFF.

    2nd off……… price is right is for pricing games…. giving a fixed value gift card is not a game…. it’s stupid. same as giving gift cards as gifts, but even more dum.

    3rd off……. WHO NEEDS THAT MANY GODDAMN DOUGHNUTS?%#(&*)&*()!#%^&*(!#%)*(&!#^*)(!#^*)(!%^#&)*(!#%^&*()!#%^)&*(!^#%&*()!^#&*)(!^#)&*(!^#)*(&!^#%)&*(!^#

    CALCALCLALCLACLJKCLJKCALKJAVTU*)(!#(&*%#&(*!#%^&*(!#^&*(!#^

  14. I would never punt a stat in roto.

    You want to get a 12 in era and whip, but then take a one in K,W, S?

    That gives you a 27 on the pitching side of the equation. You can use 80 as a benchmark to shoot for if you want to make the money. So you need a 53 on the hitting side… average a top 3 finish in all 5 batting stats? That seems really hard.

  15. you could have a 7 man hitting bench though…. never a game where you don’t have a full lineup playing, and you can much easily ride hot streaks and keep semi-good d00ds off of other peoples teams… i think the math is close. very risky though… if your opening day closer fucks up, you don’t have any good pitchers left, and your season is fucked.

  16. if you convince 2 other teams to do the same thing you each get 12 points x 2 and then 2 points x 3… so up to 30 points on the pitching side. but then you’re all butt raping each other for hitters, but you might be able to dominate offense. i think it might work. i really need to talk to the MIZ)(&%#)&(!#%^)&(!#%^)(*!#%

  17. You have a 162 cap on games played by position. The baseball season is longer than 162. So you want to try and hit 162, but once you go over you stop accumulating stats for that position.

    If you fill every pussy position every day, you will hit your max. So, yeah, you can have a shit bird 1b in there when The Fat Prince of Detroit has a day off, but then you will max out 1b with less than optimal production at 1b.

  18. If you give yourself 3 first basemen, how will you pick which one to play? This strategy will drive you nuts, bro.

    Stats on the bench, never mattered before, who cares!

    #kotteras

  19. got it… yeah, i’m dum.

    i thought there was a hole in your stupid game, so i shoved my dik in there hard and hershey’s quik… pulled it out….. #POOOOOOOOOP

    i need to stop benching prince on off days.

  20. My plan is to work hard on every stat. That’s always my plan.

    I never punt in tecmo and I never punt a stat. I get angry when I see the Packer’s punt. I hate punting.

    It does work better as a fantasy strategy in h2h, but I’m not a fan there, either. Get cal off his stupid game of shit thorns kick and he can tell you about his great plan to dominate the $20 yahoo pro leagues using this strategy.

    Spoiler alert: he lost money.

  21. Prince is a monster. One of the few who plays everyday. You can utility him at the end if you max 1st. You want to make sure you are gunning on that 162. I try to not let any position get lower than -5 or higher than +5.

  22. I think you can click on my name and see my past leagues. Here is what the final looked like last year:

    1. tornado tim 94
    2. cribshitters 84
    3. braun is guilty 80.5
    4. Dorkus Molorkus79
    5. MoneyBalls 75
    6. Swing Away 68.5
    7. Watson 57
    8. outlawz 54
    8. yakov smirnoff ice 54
    10. C+ Implementation 51
    11. B O P 45
    12. DEBO 36

  23. 10. C+ Implementation 51

    WOW. for the gangsta nation.

    #GOCRAZYINFRONTOFADURAFLAMEFLAME

  24. i can really see how seeing a trade potential and seeing a way to sell it, and then actually going through with the sell before anyone else can play into this a lot.

    #SCHMOOZING

  25. game of thrones update from rach-o:

    someone is getting tortured, but doesn’t know by who
    someone else is trying to help
    someone else almost got away
    someone else said something else about someone else about “WHY ARE YOU WITH THAT BITCH?!”

  26. is the hound loyal to the king??????

    WE DON’T KNOW#%!(*)&!#%^(&*#%!)*(!#^*()!#^&*()!#^

  27. every time i check my team on ESPN i see that my #1 draft mike trouser trouts is on the bench. i think the commish is doing it using his backdoor commish tools. i can’t find any goddamn roster change logs. i’m very mad.

    #HATERSGETDEALTWITH

  28. fun fact: nyjer now plays for yokohama, japan…… yokohama’s public affairs department today tweeted an alert that a nuclear missile was inbound from north korea…. it took them over 20 minutes to realize they sent it and retract it and issue an apology.

    i guess they wrote the tweet and then just sat there HOPING it happened, so they could click SEND and be the first jackass to report on it in the history books.

    #TONYPLUSH

  29. Did you watch the end of the Ultimate Fighter? Last few episodes were good. Fun watching bubba get finished again.

    Overall a decent season. First I watched in a long time.

  30. Getting both babies packed up in the minivan for a peeeds appointment was tricky. First time taking EvilLynn out of the house.

    Pi got loose after her bath and pissed on the living room carpet. And then while I was putting the infant insert in the carseat, Pi dunked both arms in the toilet and ruined her pretty dress.

    Peeing and a pooping, pooping and a peeing. Peeeing and a poooping and a having a blast!

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