TURDPRESS

Watching Scientist’s mind fracture upon the rocky shoals of fantasy baseball brings happiness to me; I love the dude but I always like my distaste for the phenomenon to be validated.

Here’s a neato Michael Jackson concert from 1988:

150 thoughts on “TURDPRESS

  1. ESPN has some sort of hybrid system… if you have waivers but don’t use them, but everyone ahead of you had used theirs after you could have, then you get to auto add.

  2. espn has the exact same draft interface, and the rest is pretty much the same too.

    #TOOMANYCLICKS

  3. how about MN letting dik surfers suck the government benefits fund dry so they can preserve their family unit of surfing on diks because that is in the interest of the community?

    #DIKSURF
    #BUYGUNS

  4. MN is full of very smart people that only elect the very best wrestlers to govern them.

    #MONKEYBUTTS

  5. the next time the government runs out of money and has to pay teachers less, and they all cry and throw a pizza party, remember that all the money went to greg’s deadbeat live-in boyfriend so he can get back surgery and get his TMJ fixed from all that DIK SURFING.

    #PROGRESS

    where is welfare equality? why do some people get it and some people don’t??? IT’S NOT FAIR)(&#^)&!^# WAHHHH WAHHHHHHH()*&!#^%)&*(!^#)(*!^#

    I DESERVE FOOD STAMPS TOO. #FOODSTAMPEQUALITY

    NO RETORT.

  6. god damn spam filter ate my shit. lets all the other spam through. fucking retarded. i hate everything.

  7. how is it legal for the government to limit some grants to women only? where is the equality?

    you’re all ignorant hypocrites.

    suck MY dik. i’ll give you some health insurance. ALL OVER YOUR FACE)&*(!#%)(&*!#^)(*#!%^*()!#^

  8. “Minority,” as defined by federal statutes related to business, includes people who are African-American, Alaskan Native, American Indian, Asian-American, Hispanic and women.

    go sit on a dik. tax incentives to not do business with a man? cal’s lawyer friends sure are smart. they aren’t driving this country straight to hell in any way. they are doing a great job and cal doesn’t suck and everyone should gay marry their pet turtles… even if the turtle doesn’t consent.

    #SUCKFUCKSHEEP

  9. keep making laws and not thinking the consequences through, you fucking retards.

    society is doomed. you’re all idiots.

  10. man… i just picked up charlie blackmon off waivers… he got called up from AAA, and went 1-2 with a HR in his first game…. i just checked his picture… HE IS NOT A BLACK MON. I HAVE BEEN DUPED)&*(#%!*&)!%#^&)*(^!#&)*(!^#

    CAN I SUE?

  11. dirty burgers and moving and shaking. i’m sucking and fucking.

    *(&)!#%*&(!#%(*!#%&*(&*()!#%

  12. i focus on pitching, get all my shit right, then turn around and i’m in last place for Rs and RBIs@)(*@#%)(&!)(%&*(%#!

    i can’t win. the diks quit.

    #PEACE

  13. An excerpt out of the blooper reel of having 2 babies…at sentry with the double bob stroller…Wwhazz let go near a circular tall display of paperback nora Roberts books and we knocked the entire display over. Thankfully no one was injured by flying books or the rack and a deli lady came out and assured us it happens all the time and someone would come pick it all up.

  14. I blame Jess. She took 2 hours picking out a stupid birthday card so I wandered away to eat a free sample of jam on a cracker.

    Big, big mess. But whatever. Dude who cleaned it up was prob bored.

  15. Now is when you find out if fantasy baseball is fun for you or not.

    The draft is a party and spirits are high. But the game is won in the day-to-day grind. Hustle for every stupid point. Chases saves, stream pitchers, grind, grind, grind.

    You can still make the money. This game is a lot like that contest where a bunch of people put their hand on a truck and the last fucker standing gets the truck. Is that a skill? I guess. But at the very least, it’s a fucked up skill that 99% of the world does not want nor have a use for.

    My hand is still on the truck. I’m buried in the cal main league. Like 10th place with miles to go. Yet, I still think I can win it.

    Best of luck. I respect you for giving it a try no matter what you decide.

  16. Now is when you find out if fantasy baseball is fun for you or not.

    The draft is a party and spirits are high. But the game is won in the day-to-day grind. Hustle for every stupid point. Chases saves, stream pitchers, grind, grind, grind

    You can still make the money. This game is a lot like that contest where a bunch of people put their hand on a truck and the last fucker standing gets the truck. Is that a skill? I guess. But at the very least, it’s a fucked up skill that 99% of the world does not want nor have a use for.

    My hand is still on the truck. I’m buried in the cal main league. Like 10th place with miles to go. Yet, I still think I can win it.

    Best of luck. I respect you for giving it a try no matter what you decide.

  17. uggg…. i was bluffing. of course i’m not quitting. i’m dialing the fuck in. the diks are going to blow, so fucking hard. everything will be COATED. EVERYTHING.

    i blame prince fielder for all of my troubles. the future forecasting portion of my brain knew this was going to happen. IMMEDIATE REGRET AND CONFUSION. before the mouse registered a received input with a quick storage and release of tension….. the goddamn click had not even clicked yet. WHAT IS GOING ON?(*&!#%*&()!#% WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?)*&!#%)&(!#%)(&!#% OH NO(*&!#%&*(!#% I ACCIDENTALLY PROGRAMMED MYSELF TO DO THIS)&!#%(&*!#%(*&!#%*(&)&*(!#%^ MY PHONE)&!%)(&!#%*&( A PERCH)&!#%(*&#%!(*&!#%^*(&)!#^ GOODBYE)&*(#^!(&*!#^)*(!^#)*(!^#)*(&!^#*(&!^#*(&)!#^*&()!^)&*(!^

  18. 2 baby blooper / highlight reel: we went to DQ and rach-o got some smoothie type thing from their orange julius menu…. we were all sharing it out front of the store at the picnic table…… the HWK wanted another taste while baby lady maddddd had the straw in her mouth…….. the HWK screeches, “SUCK IT!!!!”

  19. roeniggy press conference cancelled due to “technical difficulties”….

    #YEAHRIGHT
    #CUMTEARS

  20. yo cal, how about i give you a pass on the homobrides, and you ease off on the poker fascism?

    #POLITICS

  21. yo cal, how about i sic on the IRS on your st000000pid a$$?

    #GANGSTAPOLITICS

  22. Oneil sent me this awesome this morning. We’ve been talking about false morels:

    This is from the wikipedia page on one kind of false morel, not verpas. The last sentence is crucial:

    Gyromitra (pron.: /ˌdʒaɪərɵˈmaɪtrə/) is a genus of ascomycete mushrooms found in the northern hemisphere. The most famous member is the controversial false morel (G. esculenta). The genus contains about 18 species.[1]
    Analysis of the ribosomal DNA of many of the Pezizales showed the genus Gyromitra to be most closely related to the genus Discina, and also Pseudorhizina, Hydnotrya, and only distantly related to Helvella. Thus the four genera are now included in the familyDiscinaceae.[2][3]
    Gyromitra comes from gyro meaning convoluted and mitra meaning head. In spite of the superficial similarity, it is unrelated to the video game Gyromite.

  23. there is a working 4 player NFL blitz arcade with coin mechanics for sale in town for $350… very hard to say no

  24. also a like new teardrop camper with solar panels and a flatscreen for $2800

    i’ve been holding out for years with a 20 fold budget. want so bad.

  25. i’ll send you an email… this site doesn’t accept craigslist links….. because…….. #DUM

    only chinese spam allowed. GET THE FUCK OUT, CRAIG.

  26. i getting really sick of trying to add someone on waivers and someone else taking my d00d. i have to wait another 24 god damn hours so i’m stuck for weeks with my shitty d00ds trying to get better d00ds.

    goddamned conspiracy.

    #CALSUCKS

  27. yo cal, next week, 2 home and 2 away vs twinks…….. you want action? your twinks play like butt. bet on them like AN IDIOT.

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