FanDuel

Been awhile since I rapped atcha, hombres. Listening to wwhazz yammer about daily fantasy got to a breaking point where I created an account at Fanduel. I expect all my money to be dead money but perhaps some of wwhazz’s ancient wisdom will filter down to me and I’ll win $2.50 on a $1 entry. If only I could take five catchers a day; I’d live scientist’s dream.

 

114 thoughts on “FanDuel

  1. I like that you play two injured outfielders and hoard 4 second basemen. Two plus two equals three?!?!?!?!!!?!?

  2. DeShields Jr is the regime. He learned the trade from his uncle Delino, bro. He is an asset– Billy Ham without the hefty draft day price tag.

    I gave you first crack because we are pals. You turned it down, so I will move down the line. I’m going to carpet bomb the league with offers. He will be gone by lunch.

  3. The Miz talked about Cruz today– said that he has the same back injury that ended Ricky the Dragon Steamboat’s career and he thinks his season is done.

  4. via rotoworld:

    He should be ready to rock for Friday’s series opener in Houston.

    SHOULD be??? he is paid millions of dollars to play a game. OF COURSE he SHOULD play… i need to know if he WILL play, you fucking COPOUT SHITS)*(&!#%)*&(!#%(*&!#^&*(!#^*(&!#

  5. i love that you started will smith and got the win… fucking supporting convicted cheaters. the game is a sham, and you’re profiting. congratulations. #GETTINJIGGYWITCHEATERS

  6. Re: fresh will

    My specialty is bullpens. How many times did I have to offer you qualls last year before you took my charity?

  7. Only thing holding me back is batting average. And batting average is a luck based stat. It fluctuates year to year with no predictability.

    Wins and batting average are luck. Saves and steals are commodities. The rest are handicapable.

  8. You are working your way up the fantasy ranks, sorta like colabello. Me? I’m a trout. It took me 1/2 a season and boom: all star. You are working your way up the ranks from A ball to the majors. This year you are AA. I’m a once in a generation talent. We all develop at our own pace. You’ll have some peach fuzz on your fantasy balls soon enough.

  9. how is lebron’s dick not front page news? why isn’t he on the sexual offender registry? my daughters were watching. i thought america was a country of rule and pizza justice…. oh… but not for blacks and jews… “they” had to suffer so much, so make them president of the country and NBA commissioner. it is literally THE LEAST “we” can do.

    fuck you, janet… you dumb BITCH.

    #MEN

  10. i don’t even like baseball… i only agreed to play AA ball for the free bus rides so i could sell pills to the other team’s bullpen.

    #HUSTLE

  11. Roger Goodell just knocked on my front door and flashed his dick to my daughters.

    #REALTALK
    #FIREGOODELL

  12. Nelson Cruz (back) is in the starting lineup for Friday’s game against the Astros.

    steamboat was a pussy

  13. So…

    I’ve been rolling out a Houston Astros stack on fandule everyday for the last 40 days, at least. Every day in multiple combinations for $4-$20 bucks. And last night, I stopped. Astros lost 7 in a row. They were facing Felix Hernandez. I was sick of burning money. To clear my daily fantasy conscious, I made a $1 stack of all brewers/Astros and the best pitcher I had enough for (David Price). Then I went on to making the rest of my lineups. I was like, look dummy. That does not work. Move on.

    So…

    The Astros score 8 runs on Felix and chase him from the game in the first inning for the worst start of his career. They hit 4 homers and the Mariners were letting back up catchers pitch. On top of that, Brewers scored 8 runs and Price tossed a complete game shut out.

    That $1 conscious cleaner lineup would have cashed $750, but I took it down. Played it in the $3? $3500. Played it in the $5? 10K.

    40 days of hard work. I even rolled the Astro power package out vs Chris Sale on Monday for $10 and here I could not let it play for one dumb dollar.

    #fandummy
    #peachfuzz

  14. I also broke the rule of never taking down lineups. My thoughts on it: leave it up– the $1-2 is worth the price of avoiding the pain if it does hit.

  15. way to drop delino… had to package him up so the fat vegan could bundle in some junk of his own.

  16. lebrons james dick is almost an anagram for i like sex… just missing X and I… just like every party.

    maybe it’s an obstiCAL illusion… i saw a battered wiener… years and years of stripper abuse. stiletto holes, bro. #ABUSE

    most of the pictures it’s blocked by the video timeline overlay… when that goes away, you might turn gay.

  17. look… at this point you’ve got to have some understanding of almighty HOV. as your fantasy prowess has grown, so has your credit score with HOVifax. you make a move, and HE KNOWS. he can smell it. the players are also dialed in. a powerful force initiated a pilot wave congruent with their existence. that power can be harnessed.

    every fucking idiot i’ve ever dropped has hit 3 grand slams the next day. say lah vee.

  18. i accidentally moved colon bellows to my bench… 16 game hitting streak, i quickly put him back in… sorry you got shuffled a bit there homie… don’t worry, i’m playing you. but but but… he could feel the move. guaranteed he doesn’t get a hit today.

  19. Fire them with fire news:

    A Dane County sheriff’s deputy who said the solution to a string of shootings in Madison is to “Send them back to Chicago,” and “Then nuke Chicago,” is no longer with the sheriff’s office, WKOW-TV in Madison reported Monday.

  20. i’m sure fired law enforcement officers take the news well and blend right back in with societies unshielded scum.

    really torn on how and when i should pledge unyielding alliance to austin… i’m worried about him being too young, but also worried he might already be too old. #MAN #LEADTHEREVOLUTION #ROGUEASFUCK

  21. he’s already taking pictures with booth babes with an air of “get a load of these sluts” about him. #PROUD #DAMNRIGHTIWONTHETURKEYCALLCONTESTSLUT

  22. I know, right? I want to battle his regime, but am woefully outgunned. I have a sling shot, butterfly knives, brass nuks, and a couple of BB guns. This kid can snipe me from afar. I’ll be skinned and fed to his troops. My children enslaved.

  23. lebron’s dik is picking up steam… probably going to explode pretty soon.

    #MESS
    #ILIKESEX

  24. Ohhhh Hulk Hogan…yeeeeah. You say you don’t know where the Macho Man is coming from…yeahhh. You’re right. You don’t know anything about the Macho Man and where I’m coming from…CUZ IT’S MIND BOGGLING TO YA YEAH! How one
    man could make it to the top of the World Wrestling Federation mountain YEAH! All by myself. NO PUKESTERS HELPING ME TO THE LEFT! And no pukesters helping me
    to right! Didn’t need ‘em then…DON’T NEED ‘EM NOW!!! And another person I don’t
    need is Elizabeth either…yeeeeah. Because I’M THE CHAMPION BY MYSELF! ALL BY MYSELF!!!

    You don’t know where I’m coming from Hulk Hogan this Sunday afternoon, but I know where you’re coming from…yeah! I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT HULK HOGAN YEAAAH! I know what makes you tick! Yeah! And you’ve got the audacity…yeah…to say that in Wrestlemania 5 that HULKAMANIA’S GONNA SURVIVE!! You don’t know me Hulk Hogan. You don’t know where I’m coming from. After I beat you with that big elbow and pin you ONE! TWO! THREE! GUARANTEED VICTORY!!!!!! I’m gonna tell you and all the pukesters out there one last time before this Sunday afternoon….HULKAMANIA IS DEAD!!!!

  25. amazon removes all products with references to the southern dixie duke-boys flag…. still sells wide variety of nazi items. so fucking dumb.

    eat a bag of dickzos

  26. JOSH PHEGLEY GOES YARD#(&*#)(*&!#(*&$#

    as in… cal was acting incredibly phegley as greg removed himself

  27. i have my dick 12″ from a korean particle fuckulator that holds more voltage than the electric chair. don’t be scurred. i got all the green wires screwed together and linked via many electrical hubs to a copper rod buried 8′ under the trubbbroom… so… safe? fucking pussies scared of Qi chargers…. those electrical wires at the tops of your neighborhood will kill you if you get within 8″ of them. jokes on you, nut cancer. i shot you all over. EVERYWHERE.

  28. at least i know what’s wrong with my team and can do something about it. your team’s RESULTS suck. how you going to fix that? how can you get from 2nd to 7th so fast? it’s like you traded away your best blocking asset for some chimp who weeps when trying to sit down. you used to be hard, bro. now? #SOFT

  29. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

    20TH PLACE IN THE MIDNIGHT OIL. TOP TEN PAY. I’m in 14th place. Long story short:

    me $4500
    retard $3600

    me: KT, retard: QJ, Board: Q4K3J

    VERY NEXT FUCKING HAND

    me $900
    retard >richFUCK POKER
    I am going to bed. Goodnight you motherfuckers.

    FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

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