All posts by whazzmaster

Dubuque Downer

It was a mehhhhhh time in Dubuque in 2013. Did we have fun? Yes. Did we have some interesting new (or returning) characters? Yes. But did I win any money? No. I lost. A lot.

Thankfully wwhazz wasn’t kicked out of the casino this year, but we did witness an innovative new way to handle obnoxious poker players. After an hour or two of Scientist’s table banter, the poker room manager informed him (via an old, tiny waitress) that he could have another drink ONLY if he drank an entire bottle of water in front of them first. A couple of things here:

  • Scientist bottoms-upped the thing and chugged it while staring them down…
  • …but then proceeded to dump some in Timmer’s scotch. Timmer, being involved in a hand at the time, didn’t notice until later.
  • Also, I was way drunker than anyone at the table but because I kept quiet they just kept feeding me Crown & Cokes.

I was pretty much never ahead except for that first poker game, though I lost everything on the end when Scientist bluffed my ass off and I gave him most of my money. Things went downhill from there: bad craps, bad roulette, bad blackjack, etc.

Wwhazz did have a very interesting idea to try to get into the Al Capone suite at the Julian next year and find Joe to run some games there. So go to Dubuque, but don’t go to any casinos. “Why go to Dubuque then?” you ask. “Two reasons,” I respond, “Paul’s Tavern and Funiculars.”

I saw on Snapchat that Scientist burned old Greenie in the backyard? Why? I don’t understand all of the gobbledygook you people are talking about in the comments. Is Greenie-burning because you lost at the Fantasy Whatever? Or because Rogers sat on his balls and didn’t come back this week? I don’t get it.

Kid Disco yesterday was interesting; I liked the nachos, bloody mary’s, and watching children slowing turn into sleeping pumpkins by jumping up and down in front of a bubble machine for two hours.

Countdown! 3… 2… 1… Jo’s!

Ok, we’re getting pretty close to the Annual Trip to Dubuque.  Take a fun walk down memory lane by checking out those previous links. As a matter of fact, revisit my Epic Vegas Trip of 2012 while you’re wandering around memory lane.

I want to assure y’all: this year will be a little differe– DON’T RUN AWAY! Yes, we’re not staying at The Canfield, but we’re not far away. We can drop in and do a little singin’ at The Rainbow Lounge whenever we please. We can also cast a pox on either casino and assure everyone within hearing distance that we’re taking our business to the other one. Multiple times.

So get psyched up and I’ll see you weirdos down on the muddy waters of the Mighty Mississip; stay tuned for the sure-to-be forthcoming 2013 installment of the post-weekend wrapup post.

ps- Cal’s not coming this year, therefore he sucks.

Nexus > iPad

I’m late to this party because I’ve been so busy at work lately, but I was lurking last week when Maddddddd made a stirring defense of the Nexus 7 over the iPad Mini. I happen to agree; I got one of the new Nexus 7’s a few months back and I’ve been loving it. It’s my first real Android device in anticipation of moving to an Android phone once my iPhone 5 pisses me off too much (which may be next week or in 6 months- not sure yet.)

So far it’s been fantastic, with great battery life and fairly good app selection. Definitely for what bellygirl was talking about there’s tons of options for productivity apps. The only thing I’ve see lacking is some of the games that I like on the iPhone, but it’s not as if I play them a ton anyways. Kindle app works great, twitter and RSS reader are nice. The mobile Google Chrome browser is the tits: it syncs my bookmarks from my desktop and errythang.

EDIT: And just because, here’s the HBO opening from 1983.

The Miraculous Mister Bumpaddle

puts "Hello World"

So, er, what’s happenin’ with y’all? I’ve just been coding my ass off lately; last weekend I was in IL for a wedding and managed to code up an initial version of a home page for our local Ruby meetup. And since I was moved off of the desktop team and started doing web development full-time at work I’ve been rampaging across a code base, refactoring and improving things every day. It’s pretty energizing!

In the background, shit’s been busy as hell since July, er, April I guess. I feel like we’re emerging from an every-weekend-going-somewhere-or-someone-coming-by… case in point: today I deep-cleaned my kitchen for the first time in, well, ever. There was lots of gross stuff, and I may have gone overboard on usage of CLR but I’m much happier with the result. Tomorrow morning: try to do something about the nightmare that is my backyard.

Go Packers.


So I was addicted to Rogue Legacy this morning and missed the first 20 minutes of the Packer game. WTF? Down by two scores already? Jaysus, Ross- get a fuckin’ grip (on the ball).

Oh yeah- we also went to See-Yew’s wedding on Friday. It was incredibly awesome- reception at the Brink Lounge: hosted bar all night, Ian’s Pizza for dinner, and peanut butter/cake/chocolate pops for dessert. The UW Band and Bucky showed up and drunk spacebee got so excited I thought she’d piss her pants. At one point someone was taking a picture with Bucky and she turned to me, venom in her voice, and hissed, “I WANNA DANCE WITH BUCKY.” Jesus. Ok, go dance with Bucky. I introduced a lot of California and New York folk to the ‘Doctor Cherry Bomb,’ which went over well.

It was surreal to see so many tech people in Madison- every other conversation was about which startup people were working at these days. I wasn’t around on the west coast when a lot of the younger folks started getting married and so I never attended a Tech People Wedding where demos were going on in the back of the room. Kinda a fun twist on the weddings I’ve attended lately.

Also: Scientist, your Twitter account was hacked. Unless you’re the one sending me ‘Lose 15 pounds in 15 days’ direct messages, in which case fuck off and stop sending me that shit.


Y’all are living in a fantasy; one where you move human men around on a chessboard like Chewbacca back in the Millenium Falcon break room. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about the pressure JORDY must be under to perform up to wwhazz’s atmospheric standards.

In the meantime, I went to a conference here in Madison, had fun and partied until midnight four days in row. My body cannot withstand late night boozin’ four days in a row anymore– but that used to be a Monday for Ewaz fer christ’s sake. I dunno, I just kept popping Advil every morning and shuffling back onto the bus downtown to learn more about rubies and gems. By Saturday night I collapsed into a heap on the bed and when I awoke Sunday morning I was Sick as Shit. Like, seriously. Then Way-Way got sick, and now we have to contend with a sick kid on a four hour flight. Sad face.

Sorry ladies and germs but I’ll be out Calfornia way for awhile. Maybe you’ll be lucky little scrumps and I’ll post a picture of GMX waving at you or something. In the meantime whoop it up while slave driving your ill-gotten human men to victory on the Frozen Tundra.

Line of Literary Inquiry

Allegory,  Allusion,  Metaphor. How do they relate, and how do you define each, specifically?

An allegory may be thought of as an extended metaphor according to this pageExamples of an allegory are such works as fables and parables. The importance seems to be placed on the long-form nature of the work, as well as the ability to tell two (or more) narratives simultaneously. Setting, characters, and plot are meant to tell a literal story as well as a second story dependent on symbols. If one were to construct a story about a country mouse that moves to the big city, works at a hamburger joint, and ultimately gets a law degree from a school flirting with de-creditation to get a non-paying job at the local Hall of Justice, it could be construed as an allegory of Cal’s post-undergraduate life. Oh yeah, a chapter where he lives in Chicago would go well in there too.

An allusion is more a short- form work (often a sentence or two) that references another person, place, event, or cultural touchstone in order to provide a stronger punch of a specific mood or emotion to the reader. It’s meant to draw on a reader’s presumed experience with the referenced thing to leech the associated thoughts, opinions, and feelings into the work using the allusion. For example, “I felt a sinking sensation in my belly, as wwhazz must have felt coming down the ladder of the crane only to see a police cruiser’s spotlight shining directly in his face.

A metaphor is a work of variable length (as suggested by the existence of the term extended metaphor). It’s a figure of speech; the ideas it connotes are figurative in nature as opposed to literal. The differences between metaphor and simile are well-known to middle school students paying any attention at all, but while similes are the fart joke of the literary world (ed: metaphor) the metaphor is like the steadicam shot from Goodfellas (ed: simile). “Kcar’s brilliant take on the SPASH state softball tournament was a shining beacon in the utter blackness of Northern Wisconsin Prep Sports Reporting.

Metaphor can sometimes be confused with hyperbole; “The Madd Scientist is cuckoo bananas.” is mere hyperbole as opposed to metaphor, as we’re not trying to draw a connection to another literal idea (i.e., insane) but merely exaggerating the truth, which is that he’s bananas.

What’s the difference between me and you? About five bank accounts, three ounces, and two vehicles. Now, what’s an analogy and how does it relate to these literary ideas?

Hamacha Cha-Cha


I regret to inform y’all that I won’t be able to attend the UP Chaw ‘n’ Sau(sage) Extravatonydanza. Alas, my child needs to be looked after like the mewling baby he is. Instead, lemme tell you about this Tuesday when I stopped by Bay 101 for some old-timey California poker action.

It felt so good to once again see a variety of games: 3/6, 6/12, 8/16 half kill, 1/2/2 NL, 2/3/5 NL, and Omaha 8/18 half kill were the low limit games, while the high limits included 30/60, 40/80, 60/120, and 150/300. Dear god.

I sat at 3/6 for about 3 hours. Ended up losing $40 but it was mainly because I was dealt MANY excellent starting hands that went nowhere on the flop. Invested a lot preflop (particular on back-to-back AK suited) with complete shit flops and lunatics raising out the gate. However, I hadn’t had so much FUN playing in a looong time. Lots of crazy action, and really only one rock at the table. You were pretty sure when you hit you were gettin’ PAAAID, especially since I was seeing so many flops.

Maybe next time I’ll head down Garden City way…

High-Flyin’ Harry

Welcome back, y’all. I been downright spacious around here lately, as I motored back and forth between Madison, San Francisco, and Chicago. I’m around for a minute now, though, and hoo-boy can I say that it looks like the Brewers are gonna suck this year. What’s the deal with airplane food? My flight from SFO-MSP had to make an emergency landing in RENO because some guy had a heart attack or something. I dunno- they landed the plane, EMTs came on-board and carried him off, then they gassed up the plane and we flew away. I would have liked to stay in Reno and GAMBO but alas we never got off the plane. HARRAH’S (HARRY’S)

Here’s the juicy news I heard while out in the yay area: 4nyay has a son now. If we ever see him again we can congratulate him, I guess. I didn’t bother looking Cal up because I didn’t have enough time to trudge into the city via train or car.  Instead I frantically tried to get all my work done so they don’t fire me.

This week: DOO-BOO-QUEUE. Next week: THE WORLD.

Are we going to the gol-dang ewe-pee? I need to know so’s I can ask off from work.

Looking Back: Charter Fucking Communications

You may remember that time in 2007 where I ranted and raved about how shitty Charter Communication’s service is. For a dumb guy that basically types ‘NUDEPOST’ every two weeks so you fools have a new blank slate to talk about fantasy baseball, I understandably don’t get too many hits from the ‘outside world.’  That post in particular, however has somehow made it to result #7 on a Google search of ‘chart fucking sucks’. That also means that we get disgruntled Charter customers coming along every once in awhile to add their thoughts to the ongoing nightmare that is ‘being a customer of Charter Fucking Communications.’ I am not a revolutionary, but if me swearing about these dumbfucks spreads some social media hatred that in any way could possibly impact their stupid company then I feel that the Internet has done its job. Good job, Internet.

On another topic, Flickr made some updates like WHOA; check out my gallery now, fools.

On a third topic, I’m interested in fooling around with a new forum system called Discourse. How about you regulars head over to the sandbox and play around with it. The main benefit (among others) would be no more need to call for a NUDEPOST, but there’s some other interesting shit in there too. I dunno, try it out and let me know if I should install it on my server.