Category Archives: Things I Like

SEBEN! HOE-CHO! CHICKEN DICKS!

Scientist Breaks Off Diamond Jo
Scientist Breaks Off Diamond Jo

Hoo boy.  Dubuque, Iowa ain’t never seen the likes of us before. And they must be glad we left; we won a lot of money.  From Friday afternoon until Sunday morning the madd scientist, the lawman hisself, and I could not go near a craps table without BREAKING IT OFF.  We did it with points. We did it with come bets. We did it with hard ways.  We did it sober.  We did it drunk.  We did it while hungry and while groaning from the meals we had just eaten.  WE COULD NOT LOSE!  We also found a new gambling home in Dubuque. We had previously been faithful patrons of Diamond Jo’s;

The cap and trade system worked well for the hotel room, and on that note I have to again commend the Hotel Canfield for their affordable rates and gentle understanding about dudes playing loud heads-up poker at 5:30am.  We were able to get a suite and a second room for two nights each for a grand total of $330.

We had great burgers at Paul’s Tavern, and a semi-nice dinner at Champagne in the Mystique Casino.  The  service was great there, but the food was kinda sorta only Ok.  Wwhazz got booted out of the poker room on Saturday night.  It was a perfectly natural misunderstanding.

After I retired early on Saturday night the boys went back to Diamond Jo and broke that fool off again (see top picture).  They just couldn’t be stopped at winning money, however they COULD be stopped at finding food.  Seriously, it’s very hard to get a bite to eat in Dubuque after 1am and the world record blizzard earlier in the day didn’t help things.

Epic Macdonalds
Epic Macdonalds

So, as I hear it, the boys walked through the still-open drive-thru of the nearby McDonalds. Alas! They were turned away and told they needed to be in a car.  Never ones to be denied, these stalwart heroes of modern mastication acquired the necessary tools and sped back through the same drive-thru minutes later.  Their take, rendered in pixels to the left, was 10 McChicken sandwiches, 10 cheeseburgers, and 60 Chicken McNuggets. Also: several large fries.

Upon awaking Sunday morning I had a delicious breakfast of mcnuggets and la croix.  We said our goodbyes and then headed out of town…

…IS WHAT YOU THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO SAY! Instead we headed back to Mystique to “wait out the bad weather” and had by far our best craps session of the trip.  I mean it was serious unloading.  We won money. HOE-CHO! CHICKEN DICKS! It was all hitting us.  We could not be defeated, but we could be yelled at by our wives so ultimately the trip had to end and we started the slow trip back north.

Until next time, Dubuque…. CHICKEN DICKS STICKS!

Big (ten) Weekend

I hosted two families at my place this weekend; Friday was extra busy since housekeeping had to get all the linens changed and washed before the 4pm check-ins started to arrive.  I narrowly averted a mental breakdown on Saturday but healed nicely on Sunday by laying on the couch all afternoon and evening.

Badgers should be going to the Rose Bowl- I assume we will have a sufficient place to place wild bets and drink to excess up in Door County on New Year’s Day, eh lawman?  Sister Bay Bowl, perhaps?  The game was pretty fun, even given the fact that they won a million to whatever, and we whooped it up afterward back at our place.  I was even afforded the chance to clean out my freezer to keep serving food to the dozen people in my kitchen: fifth of a bag of Totino’s Pizza Rolls? Check.  Half a bag of tater tots? Check.  Mini-quiches? Check. Black bean empanadas? Check.

I was a little sad about the Packers, but really just seeing that old broken down shitpile Favre stumble around throwing interceptions for the rest of the season is enough to make me consider 2010 a resounding success.

What did you idiots do? AND DON’T SAY TOFURKEY, CAL.

If You’re Ever In Pittsville…

The Littlest Princess

…definitely stop at Baum’s Mercantile. They proprietors love the ladies, and will show them all manner of giant underpants, Packers Hitler Meme videos, plus whatever is lying around in the basement. You may even get free shoes out of the deal.

For those who couldn’t make it, Pittsville was fun as always. Brian and ktk have a wonderful home that they let us slop around in for the weekend. Cookie & Cookie II cooked a wonderful meal, including the best brussel sprouts I’ve ever ate.

I lost a somewhat non-trivial amount of money at Yahtzee, and goddamn I hate the dice and they hate me.  I truly believe that I have exhausted all dice-based luck for the next 10,000 years.

Ah well- did Cal pass the bar exam?

Happy Fun Time

SING US A SONG, YOU’RE THE FARTING MAN! FART US A SONG TONIGHT!

The birthday went extremely well: it was super classy right up until we walked into the Depot and I drank the proffered bucket of irish whisky.  Dinner was at The Tornado and I took advantage of their Prime Rib dinner; don’t know how I got so much meat for $20 but it was worth it.  Afterward we made our introductions to Graze, a new swank drinkery/eatery on the Capitol Square.

They had a cocktail made out of: vodka, club soda, Emergen-C.  We ordered several rounds of them, confident and smug in the knowledge that we would NOT be hungover the next day.

And indeed, my hangover on Sunday was micro.  Mini, in fact.  I attended a performance of Wicked with Spacebee and her parents, and came away ‘meh.’  I appreciated the technical aspects of putting on a show like that, but the whole music and dancing didn’t appeal to me very much. Say lah vee.

Testing 1…2…3…

I’m always trying to make this weird website a little nicer. So here’s a test of the Whazzmaster Video Broadcast System:

Double Wedding All The Way Across The Sky

The Wedding of the (Pick One: Week, Month, Year, Decade, Century, Millenium) went off without any hitches at all this weekend!  Spacebee and I were married in front or dearest family and friends in Madison on August 28th, 2010 and I couldn’t be happier.  There will be much more to come once we get the myriad photos and videos processed and ready for viewing, so for now we’ll focus on the key things we learned this weekend:

  1. The Don does Good Work as a best man, including the ability to carry 20,000 dental remedies at all times.
  2. The Madddddddddddddd Scientist and Rach-O are gonna have a kid. Jesus Christ; nice curveball scientist. Can’t wait for this.
  3. Wedding Summer is over and done (and not too soon)
  4. It’s funny but scary when someone whips a pizza fastball-style at someone’s head from 5 feet away
  5. The UW Band is terrifically awesome at weddings
  6. Isthmus DJs are fucking incredible

Again, more to come.  For now we’re chilling out in the San Fran area, and we’ll be up in Napa come the end of the week.  I think we’ll get the pics back within a few weeks and then I’ll put up a little somethin-somethin for y’all to look at.

Bachelor No More

The bachelor party has come and gone, and we’re now speeding northward to Michigan’s fabled upper peninsula. Big time thanks to all who traveled into Madison for a simple afternoon of grilled sausages, a beanbag toss championship, and an unrivaled night of gambling. Point of fact: Tim of psmgc.com fame and I won the damn thing and split the kitty of $120. In the weird time between bags and poker we took on all comers in cash games of bags and won even more money that (at least in my case) would be piddled away in a late-night basement craps game.

The food spread was the Ultimate: brat patties, hot & mild Italians, and some Hebrew Nationals. Mom’s delicious pasta salad and raccoon bars rounded out the buffet options. I really can’t rant and rave enough about D&G Meats out of Poynette, WI; their brats and Italians were just the best.

Late night gambling was, in a word, fun. I was the first goddamn one out of poker so I was unable to repeat wwhazz’s feat of winning his own tourney. After that we just gambled more and more, until the basement reeked of gambling and money.

If my calendar is correct, Cal is getting married to a French princess this week. Send him your best wishes through telepathic signals, and maybe you’ll be lucky enough to see him (and punch him) at our shindig in a few weeks.

And with that, I bid you adieu. Whazzmaster.com is closed until August 13th; leave your message at the beep.

Whatta Weekend

Birthday Hat
Spacebee's Birthday Hat

It was quite a celebratory weekend here in Madison; we pretty much partied straight through from Friday at 5pm when we set out for a fondue dinner of epic proportions.  Three hours later I was filled with tiny bits of boiled meat, veggies, and chocolate-covered rice krispies.  We met a few pals and then dove into more celebrations, and long story short I woke up Saturday morning not feeling the greatest.

A Spacebee coworker was retiring and had a bash at the Hilldale Great Dane on Saturday.  Free beer from 4pm until 7pm started things off, and I hilariously fell asleep at wwhazz’s with a beer in hand around midnight.  Hey: two consecutive party nights don’t agree with my 31 year old bones.  So sue me.

Alas, I think the Iowa trip has been delayed.  Consolations to belly for her loss, and hope everything goes well next weekend.  Diamond Jo will always be there, and I’ll be ready to stick my finger in the small of his back and whisper “gimme everything you got.”

I’m super behind on TNG on my DVR… need to sit down and catch up. I saw that Time’ Arrow is on there and excitement can’t describe my feelings.  HELP A FORTY NINER! HE’S GOT A BAD COUGH! OH NOES, AN ALIEN STOLED HIS LIFE FORCE! GUINAN, HALP! TIME WARP! PICARD IS A DANDY FOP! DATA IS A FRENCHMAN! SAMUEL CLEMENS OF THE 24TH CENTURY!

The Door’s Almost Shut

We’re approaching zero hour on 2009 and I couldn’t shrug my shoulders harder if I goddamn tried.  Work is busy and I’m attempting to purchase trinkets for everyone I know by next week.  Me and spacebee and belly and wwhazz ate at Pedros-Pedros-may-keen-mayx-ee-can the other night after a night of shopping.  It was a grand ol’ time, especially that deep-fried Snickers bar for dessert.

Not much goings-on elsewhere so I’d like to frankly discuss the 1964 classic Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.  Thusly: it’s not entirely clear to me just what drugs the creators were using, but I salute them and their efforts.  In a story ostensibly about the titular reindeer the spotlight instead falls upon (a) an elf desperately seeking a career in dentistry and (b) a north woodsman with a revolver hanging from his belt that clearly has mental problems.  It seems to me that the writers wanted to craft a different story entirely but were forced by the General Electric corporation to adapt their lunacy into a framework descended primarily from a one minute Christmas tune.  I don’t know whether the coercion took the form of ducats or whippings– the result is the same.  Also: everyone really hated that fucking Rudolph.  They just shit on him and shit on him until he saved the goddamn day.  He should have pooped in Santa’s mouth.

For those not on the spacebook, my concise review of How the Grinch Stole Christmas:

Zachery Moneypenny feels that the grinch was right to hate those whos- did you see the lunatic instruments they endlessly played?! How bout this: I’ll buy your downstairs neighbor a musical abomination consisting of a bowling ball, a huge metal pipe, and CHIMES and we’ll see if a steampunk xray machine detects any heart shrinkage on YOU.

I have nothing else to say about that shit.  Let’s all get together some Thursday night and watch star trek dvds.  I have one season on dvd (five, I think?) and can provide whiskey.

Everyone else out there: HAVE A GODDAMNED MERRY XMAS!

Good to be Back

Kangaroo Lake
Kangaroo Lake

We had a really fun time up in Door County this weekend.  Check, check Teh Flickr for some great pics from Peninsula State Park and Kangaroo Lake.

There was a lot of wine, booze, and food had by all, and we had to work it off eventually– my personal favorite was the two hour bike ride through Peninsula in the rain and cold.  Mercifully, at the the end of the ride we climbed to the top of Eagle Tower.  Long story short: ride uphill seven miles, then climb a giant tower.  Fun…

It looks like the Bay Bridge fell apart yesterday— wow, great repair job fellas.  I can only assume mass chaos in the Yay Area today so good luck on everyone’s commute!

Not much else to report. Er, what’re y’all dressing as for Halloween?