Category Archives: General

Die Spammers, Die

This blog grows ponderous in its time requirements; WordPress is the worst blogging platform out there, except for every other one. This afternoon I enabled a few more spam countermeasures; two of which are easily circumvented. The only way to really end spam forever is to make it so that only logged-in and approved users can comment, but you savages refuse to create accounts so there’s not much to do.

I’ve again considered taking down the blog and putting up some Discourse forums, but I suspect you wouldn’t want to create an account there either. Better to just Snapchat, I think.

Get This

Got an interesting email yesterday from Legal Compliance (not lawyer, mind you) at some dumb company because, in 2005, some comment spam promoting their site mysteriously appeared in a wm thread (this one, to be precise). Fast forward to 2014 and now The Google is heavily penalizing that sort of shit link spamming. “Uh oh,” says the stupid company that claims it doesn’t know how its link got there. “Please remove this link as it ‘will also affect search engine visibility and online reputation for both of us.'” Please, Mr. Legal Compliance, as if I give a fuck about the search engine visibility of In fact, perhaps I’ll whip up a new robots.txt to disallow googlebot entirely. So anyways the guy asked me to remove the comment, but then followed it up with:

P.S.:- If those links are not removed in good faith within 48 hours, I will be forced to file legal court-case [sic] to recover possible cost of copyright infringement.

Note the hilariously bad English. Pretty sure this guy has no legal background or authority and just sent these emails out threateningly because Google is fucking up the link farm bullshit scam he built or bought.

Here’s the one part I want to understand: I’m about 99.99999% sure that these dicks contracted out some SEO in 2005, and that contractor sub-contracted and so on and so forth until some Asian comment spammer was paid $0.40 to spam WordPress comments with the shit. They claim “those links were not created by [them] and [they] do not have any ideas about it.” In fact, I think the comment was posted by some malware running on a regular visitor’s computer. My stance is: someone, somewhere got paid to indirectly post links to WordPress sites for this company’s website. In 2005 this was a valid (if disgusting) way to bump your PageRank.

Whatever, here was my response:

Your legal threat has absolutely no weight here, and if your company was doing shitty SEO and SEM in 2005 and fucking up MY website with spam it’s certainly no problem of mine that Google now penalizes you for it.  Fucking copyright infringement? Seriously? Because some shitzipper spammed MY site with YOUR trash? The comment has been deleted; fucking go away.

Someone Found That Goddamned Medallion? Good.

Each year I delight in your feverish, paranoid riddle-humping conspiracy theories but I can only stand them for so long. So an underpaid newspaper staffer hid a dirty puck in a pair of jeans with a terrible poop stain and that’s wholesome family entertainment that we’re all supposed to get behind? You’re a state of perverts and lunatics, Minnesota.

Hey look, that guy that kcar hates is being reported on by The AV Club. I’m not his biggest fan, but at least I don’t hate the guy!

Bitcoin is so yesterday. I turned my GPU into a DOGECOIN MINING RIG. TO THE MOON. SUCH DOGE.

The Miraculous Mister Bumpaddle

puts "Hello World"

So, er, what’s happenin’ with y’all? I’ve just been coding my ass off lately; last weekend I was in IL for a wedding and managed to code up an initial version of a home page for our local Ruby meetup. And since I was moved off of the desktop team and started doing web development full-time at work I’ve been rampaging across a code base, refactoring and improving things every day. It’s pretty energizing!

In the background, shit’s been busy as hell since July, er, April I guess. I feel like we’re emerging from an every-weekend-going-somewhere-or-someone-coming-by… case in point: today I deep-cleaned my kitchen for the first time in, well, ever. There was lots of gross stuff, and I may have gone overboard on usage of CLR but I’m much happier with the result. Tomorrow morning: try to do something about the nightmare that is my backyard.

Go Packers.


Y’all are living in a fantasy; one where you move human men around on a chessboard like Chewbacca back in the Millenium Falcon break room. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about the pressure JORDY must be under to perform up to wwhazz’s atmospheric standards.

In the meantime, I went to a conference here in Madison, had fun and partied until midnight four days in row. My body cannot withstand late night boozin’ four days in a row anymore– but that used to be a Monday for Ewaz fer christ’s sake. I dunno, I just kept popping Advil every morning and shuffling back onto the bus downtown to learn more about rubies and gems. By Saturday night I collapsed into a heap on the bed and when I awoke Sunday morning I was Sick as Shit. Like, seriously. Then Way-Way got sick, and now we have to contend with a sick kid on a four hour flight. Sad face.

Sorry ladies and germs but I’ll be out Calfornia way for awhile. Maybe you’ll be lucky little scrumps and I’ll post a picture of GMX waving at you or something. In the meantime whoop it up while slave driving your ill-gotten human men to victory on the Frozen Tundra.

Line of Literary Inquiry

Allegory,  Allusion,  Metaphor. How do they relate, and how do you define each, specifically?

An allegory may be thought of as an extended metaphor according to this pageExamples of an allegory are such works as fables and parables. The importance seems to be placed on the long-form nature of the work, as well as the ability to tell two (or more) narratives simultaneously. Setting, characters, and plot are meant to tell a literal story as well as a second story dependent on symbols. If one were to construct a story about a country mouse that moves to the big city, works at a hamburger joint, and ultimately gets a law degree from a school flirting with de-creditation to get a non-paying job at the local Hall of Justice, it could be construed as an allegory of Cal’s post-undergraduate life. Oh yeah, a chapter where he lives in Chicago would go well in there too.

An allusion is more a short- form work (often a sentence or two) that references another person, place, event, or cultural touchstone in order to provide a stronger punch of a specific mood or emotion to the reader. It’s meant to draw on a reader’s presumed experience with the referenced thing to leech the associated thoughts, opinions, and feelings into the work using the allusion. For example, “I felt a sinking sensation in my belly, as wwhazz must have felt coming down the ladder of the crane only to see a police cruiser’s spotlight shining directly in his face.

A metaphor is a work of variable length (as suggested by the existence of the term extended metaphor). It’s a figure of speech; the ideas it connotes are figurative in nature as opposed to literal. The differences between metaphor and simile are well-known to middle school students paying any attention at all, but while similes are the fart joke of the literary world (ed: metaphor) the metaphor is like the steadicam shot from Goodfellas (ed: simile). “Kcar’s brilliant take on the SPASH state softball tournament was a shining beacon in the utter blackness of Northern Wisconsin Prep Sports Reporting.

Metaphor can sometimes be confused with hyperbole; “The Madd Scientist is cuckoo bananas.” is mere hyperbole as opposed to metaphor, as we’re not trying to draw a connection to another literal idea (i.e., insane) but merely exaggerating the truth, which is that he’s bananas.

What’s the difference between me and you? About five bank accounts, three ounces, and two vehicles. Now, what’s an analogy and how does it relate to these literary ideas?


Watching Scientist’s mind fracture upon the rocky shoals of fantasy baseball brings happiness to me; I love the dude but I always like my distaste for the phenomenon to be validated.

Here’s a neato Michael Jackson concert from 1988: