Category Archives: Fucking Pundits

Whazzbucks?

The government don’t want you havin’ no whazzbucks. Some senator is like, “Durr, the _____ industr– er, i mean my constituents are worried about the threat of terrorism.” Jen H. probably acted as the counsel for the Senator.

I registered whazzbucks.com just in case we can get our tiny little idea off the ground. #tothemoon

Not a whole lot else going on in these parts- yes Cal, I’m really excited for UP also. #highheat Just tell my wife I’ll be away for the month of August.

Oops, also wanted to drop a line that I’ll likely be moving around domains and consolidating servers. Gonna try not to have service interrupted on whazzmaster.com but once the move occurs you may see some comments disappear.

“fuck you all”

I know that most of the comments on this site are posted just because you assholes want to see me get pissed, and most of the time I oblige you. A good percentage of those times my heart is not in the outrage, but it makes for fun theater. This time, however, I am genuinely pissed. Scientist, you are a heartless goddamned asshole:

i am officially pissed off about the hurricane. if one more person says one more fucking thing about the hurricane i will kill them. i will kill them with a hurricane. “we are 4 years past 9/11, and we still can’t protect our homeland?”… um… we knew about new orleans… everyone did…. they finally got fucked. everyone knew it was coming… “bush doesn’t care about black people”… ok kanye… that’s a great theory, but again… maybe it was the residents of new orleans not caring about themselves? i mean, do you really want to live in a country where you have to depend on the “care” of your elected leader to ensure your life? come on. if the san andreas ever acts up and sends cali into the pacific, i will be the first one to two step on all the cali whazzers graves. every “homeland” has inherent risks unique to themselves. i hate media. i hate politics. fuck you all.

Kanye West was motherfucking right, and he has a goddamned right to say what he feels. That piece of shit Bush was playing a guitar in southern California while the people he supposedly “leads” were drowning in their own homes. That piece of shit Bush was the one who slashed funding that would have reinforced those levees so that widewpread flooding wouldn’t have occurred. That piece of shit Bush appointed a motherfucking Arabian Horse Show promoter as the head of FEMA… and the fucking guy was FIRED from being an Arabian Horse Show Promoter. Not 20 years ago, but just before he became the chief person involved in saving people’s lives after a disaster hit.

They should have left? How about these people? Should they have just got up and left? Oh yeah, they were in a goddamned nursing home.

A state lawmaker from Louisiana said workers at a nursing home just outside New Orleans abandoned 30 patients, who then died in their beds as hurricane floodwaters rose.

State Rep. Nita Hutter said some sort of rescue plan never materialized and the workers “left them in those beds” in Chalmette.

There was no plan to help any goddamned person get out of the way of that storm. The state government said “You’d better be caaaarrreful.” and that was that. If you were elderly, infirm, a child, or too poor to have a car and gas to get the hell out, you were fucked. Don’t fucking sit there and tell me how all the people that died in that storm were just dumb. I would ask you rhetorically how you would propose to evacuate the bottom third of Wisconsin to Michigan, but I know I’d just get a smartass fucking response. In reality, you know that many people would be left behind. Jesus Christ, Scientist, I never took you for someone who would berate someone for having the gall to die. “fuck you all?” fuckin a.

High-larry-us

I have a hard time believing this is an April Fool’s joke, simply because Michelle Malkin is the kind of batshit insane right-wing loon of Japanese heritage who wrote a book defending the internment of Japanese-Americans during World War II. She used this defense to further justify the opinion after 9/11 that the U.S. should have shipped every Arab or Arab-American to camps somewhere.

Today, however, Michelle takes on the scourge of *bum bum bummmmmmm* Mary Jane. Not entirely sure if she’s going to complain next about those damn kids and their makeout parties and loud music, but there you go.

Googlevangogh_2Many readers have been writing in about a graphic used yesterday on Google’s search page. It shows the word “Google” with strangely hypnotic, multi-colored swirls of paint. Some of my readers think this “Goo-graphic” is meant to be a subversive homage to this new drug called “Mary Jane.”

I did some digging and it turns out they are correct. Somehow this “Mary Jane” is much more noteworthy in the eyes of the pathetic liberal shills at Google than the resurrection of our Blessed Saviour.

Have you heard of “Mary Jane?” Do you have kids? Parents? Friends? Acquaintances? If you stop reading now, you do so at your peril.

The Urban Dictionary lists seven definitions for “Mary Jane.” But, here’s the one that fits my political agenda:

Slang for marijuana. It originates from the Spanish language.

Literally
Mari-Mary
Huana/Juana-Jane

Let’s smoke that bowl, hit the bong,
And then take that finger off of that hole,
Plug it, unplug it,
Don’t straaaain, I love you Mary Jane,
She never complains, when I hit Mary,
With that flame, I light up the cherry,
She’s so good to me, when I pack a fresh bowl I clean the screen … [sic]

–Cypress Hill; Hits from the Bong; Black Sunday

“Mary Jane” refers to the drug marijuana or “Cannabis Sativa; a plant containing tetrahydracannibonol, more commonly known as THC, the active ingredient which provides an existential like state of cosmic interaction known as being high” — and it’s spreading to a town near you.

Oh god, laughing… so… hard. Wait, it gets 10,000 times better:

In Norway, the authorities estimate that one in five desperate “potheads” engage in drinking their own “bong” water. According to psychiatrist Michele Catalano, medical director of Our Lady of the Blessed Sacrament Hospital in Great Neck, New York, the growing trend here in America has alarmed high school driver’s ed teachers across the nation:

There are just as many “root causes” for this as there are ways to medicate yourself. For most of the teens who do this, it’s a kind of release. They have bottled up emotions and the only way to let the pain out is to get “high.”

It’s not just teenagers, illegal immigrants, Japanese-American internees and gangstas who are doing it. A concerned grandmother recently sent me the following email:

I just found out this week that my 32-year-old daughter is a “hop-head.” She has a decent job at the Piggly Wiggly, a nice man to take care of her and three wonderful children. They live in an upscale ranch house. Her “Desperate Housewife” neighbors smoke “dope” also.

Oh lord, so much more material where this came from. I encourage you to click the link and view her insanity in all its glory. Holy crucifuckwad I’m laughing. Another plus: a bunch of people who also think she’s a nut went and posted comments. Extremely funny as well.

DARKEST SKETCH.DARKEST SKETCH.DARKEST SKETCH

UPDATE: Shit! Fooled twice in one April Fools! Not. gonna. let. it. happen. again. Must. think. harder.

RAJ OUT.