It was a mehhhhhh time in Dubuque in 2013. Did we have fun? Yes. Did we have some interesting new (or returning) characters? Yes. But did I win any money? No. I lost. A lot.
Thankfully wwhazz wasn’t kicked out of the casino this year, but we did witness an innovative new way to handle obnoxious poker players. After an hour or two of Scientist’s table banter, the poker room manager informed him (via an old, tiny waitress) that he could have another drink ONLY if he drank an entire bottle of water in front of them first. A couple of things here:
Scientist bottoms-upped the thing and chugged it while staring them down…
…but then proceeded to dump some in Timmer’s scotch. Timmer, being involved in a hand at the time, didn’t notice until later.
Also, I was way drunker than anyone at the table but because I kept quiet they just kept feeding me Crown & Cokes.
I was pretty much never ahead except for that first poker game, though I lost everything on the end when Scientist bluffed my ass off and I gave him most of my money. Things went downhill from there: bad craps, bad roulette, bad blackjack, etc.
Wwhazz did have a very interesting idea to try to get into the Al Capone suite at the Julian next year and find Joe to run some games there. So go to Dubuque, but don’t go to any casinos. “Why go to Dubuque then?” you ask. “Two reasons,” I respond, “Paul’s Tavern and Funiculars.”
I saw on Snapchat that Scientist burned old Greenie in the backyard? Why? I don’t understand all of the gobbledygook you people are talking about in the comments. Is Greenie-burning because you lost at the Fantasy Whatever? Or because Rogers sat on his balls and didn’t come back this week? I don’t get it.
Kid Disco yesterday was interesting; I liked the nachos, bloody mary’s, and watching children slowing turn into sleeping pumpkins by jumping up and down in front of a bubble machine for two hours.
So, er, what’s happenin’ with y’all? I’ve just been coding my ass off lately; last weekend I was in IL for a wedding and managed to code up an initial version of a home page for our local Ruby meetup. And since I was moved off of the desktop team and started doing web development full-time at work I’ve been rampaging across a code base, refactoring and improving things every day. It’s pretty energizing!
In the background, shit’s been busy as hell since July, er, April I guess. I feel like we’re emerging from an every-weekend-going-somewhere-or-someone-coming-by… case in point: today I deep-cleaned my kitchen for the first time in, well, ever. There was lots of gross stuff, and I may have gone overboard on usage of CLR but I’m much happier with the result. Tomorrow morning: try to do something about the nightmare that is my backyard.
So I was addicted to Rogue Legacy this morning and missed the first 20 minutes of the Packer game. WTF? Down by two scores already? Jaysus, Ross- get a fuckin’ grip (on the ball).
Oh yeah- we also went to See-Yew’s wedding on Friday. It was incredibly awesome- reception at the Brink Lounge: hosted bar all night, Ian’s Pizza for dinner, and peanut butter/cake/chocolate pops for dessert. The UW Band and Bucky showed up and drunk spacebee got so excited I thought she’d piss her pants. At one point someone was taking a picture with Bucky and she turned to me, venom in her voice, and hissed, “I WANNA DANCE WITH BUCKY.” Jesus. Ok, go dance with Bucky. I introduced a lot of California and New York folk to the ‘Doctor Cherry Bomb,’ which went over well.
It was surreal to see so many tech people in Madison- every other conversation was about which startup people were working at these days. I wasn’t around on the west coast when a lot of the younger folks started getting married and so I never attended a Tech People Wedding where demos were going on in the back of the room. Kinda a fun twist on the weddings I’ve attended lately.
Also: Scientist, your Twitter account was hacked. Unless you’re the one sending me ‘Lose 15 pounds in 15 days’ direct messages, in which case fuck off and stop sending me that shit.
Well you walk into a restaurant,
Strung out from the road
And you feel the eyes upon you
As you’re shakin’ off the cold
You pretend it doesn’t bother you
But you just want to explode
Lonely horn riff.
Looking back, we did indeed live in charmed times. At one time it appeared that the Brewers would win the World Series, the Badgers would waltz into the National Championship, and Packers would go undefeated and bring home another Super Bowl. One by one those items came off the table, and we looked with longing eyes to the next on the list. By the time we got down to the just the Packers it was no sweat: that was the one we were most sure of.
Apologies to everyone at the party for my abrupt departure; I needed to go somewhere and throw heavy weights around to get my mind off of all the blowjobs those men-in-suits-talking-about-sports were gonna give Eli “Mushroomhead” Manning. My therapy worked fairly well– I worked out real hard and then almost couldn’t walk afterwards.
This would normally be the space where I triumphantly announce that it’s only one month until pitchers and catchers report (Feb 19!) except that with the whole Ryan-Braun-injecting-crushed-up-Flintstones-vitamins-directly-into-his-balls cloud hanging over the Brewers I’m not sure how excited to get about even that. Sorry, didn’t mean to turn this post into a downer.
Hey, next week is wwhazz’s millionth birthday. Let’s all go play air hockey at Union South! LET’S EAT GRANDMA!
Dubuque was great! Well, not so great as the last time, but a good time was had by all. We also saw CAL and he even played craps with us!
From the top? Ok.
Wwhazz, Lawman and I raced out of town Friday afternoon with a gleam in our eye and the rising feevah. Oh, we played it cool; we sauntered into The Canfield Hotel and answered all questions asked: where we were from, how we were doing, if we knew not to park next to the hotel because they like to keep that lot open for the karaoke patrons, if we had ID, if I knew what kind of name ‘Moneypenny’ was, if we had any singers in our group, if I would retrieve the front desk worker to watch when I returned from dinner and sang, how many people we had with us, when were they arriving, which room did we want, if we wanted this in one credit card transaction or two, and so on and so forth.
Once we were safely ensconced in 227 we unpacked a bit and decorated. On one wall, a 1992-1993 Milwaukee Bucks poster. On the refrigerator, Will Purdue’s size 27 shoe. And IN the fridge? Oh, look closely to your right and you’ll see the treasures buried there.
Soon we were out and about, headed towards Mystique Casino- which is really hands-down the greatest casino in Dubuque. Whatever little Internet cred I have I would like to cash in now in order to say: Mystique equals GREAT and Diamond Jo’s equals DUMP.
The watchword of the weekend: see-saw. Sally saw seashells by the seashore, and then she watched me dump five bills two hours before a triumphant six fold score. Sally, WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY ANYTHING~! I only had two non-craps experiences this time: I won $80 playing roulette and the next day I got straight-up mugged by a blackjack dealer for like a hundo in five minutes. Sad, really, that they had to resort to such skullduggery.
The high(low)light of the trip was when we went to Diamond Jo’s and got treated like scum by their ever-dour team of meanmugging dealers and boxmen. No jokes from that crew and lots of being yelled at for the smallest of infractions. Example: I had been betting $1 Any bets off and on, but pretty consistently. At one point I decided late to bet and reached for my chips. I fumbled grabbing a white chip but, being just at Stick Right I said aloud “dollar any” while the dice were in the air and tossed the chip onto the table before the dice landed. The boxman yelled “NO BET THAT’S NO BET” and then sternly lectured me on when bets could and couldn’t be made. Look, FUCK YOU Diamond Jo’s craps pit; I have booked verbal DOLLAR-FUCKING-ANY bets from Ho-Chunk to Vegas and back. It’s an 11.11% house edge and it’s a 7-to-1 payout on ONE FUCKING DOLLAR. And you’re going to call my bet off and, even worse, give me grief over it? When I’m betting hardways for your dealers all night? How about you just eat shit and die?
At the far opposite end of the scale from the terrible, rude service at Diamond Jo’s Casino was the once-again stellar time we enjoyed at Mystique Casino. The craps crew working over the weekend was in large part the same folks we had a great time with last December. Really fun crew all around, and even though we only roll through once or twice a year we were even remembered by some of the people. We had a few good rolls, a few great rolls, and a few not-so-great rolls, but we had a fun-as-hell time there.
It may be heresy, but the idea that we stay at Mystique instead of the Canfield was even discussed. May not go anywhere, but that’s how much we hate Diamond Jo’s now. Don’t go there; it is terrible.
Anyway, lah-dee-dah and all that- we headed out rather early Sunday morning to get back to Madison for a joint-baby shower-slash-Packer-game. Packers won handily, which was great, because I wasn’t in the greatest head space after a weekend of fooling around in Dubuque.
Ugh, well, we got the news that Braun was roiding (or whatever, dude was drinking some kind of Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde potion) as we sat at the bar in Champagne, eating steaks and listening to wwhazz bitch about being made small of by the host at the entrance. All of our cells started buzzing incessantly as Cubs fans from all over the country poured on the scorn. Whatever, jerks, soon you’ll have Prince Fielder and you can cackle all the way to another mid-division finish in 2012.
I returned home to find that the Brewers had signed Aramis Ramirez to a 3-year deal, and just this morning the Crew traded MAGUHAHEEEEEEEE to the Pirates for a pitcher. I’m worried about Tony Plush, but I have FAITH~! that the Great Mustache will make the right decision and extend his contract.
I’ve put some distance between myself and the Brewers season, so why not celebrate the fact that the Packers are un-fucking-stoppable:
Canfield is engaged for December 10th. Everyone invited, even you fools out in California. Cal, grab Greg’s hand and skip on over to Dubuque. Judd, push Fournier into some kind of burlap sack and throw him in the belly of a plane.
First off, much, much, MUCH love to wwhazz and bellygirl for the birthday gift of a ticket to Game 2 of the NLDS. Watching the Brewers stomp the Dbacks was better than any flavor of cookie pie. Here’s a little clip from right before the first pitch:
Also, here’s a great pic as we walked into the stadium:
So the weekend was just terrific: Brewers win Saturday afternoon, Badgers stomp Nebraska Saturday evening, Brewers stomp the Diamondbacks again on Sunday, and Aaron Rodgers sets offensive records as the Packers cruise over the Broncos Sunday as well. WISCONSIN SPORTS FOREVER, HOMEY.
So thanks again to wwhazz and bellygirl, but also much LOVE to madddddddddddd and rach-o for the housewarming gifts (I will use them!), shout-outs to my brother for coming up for the weekend and kicking it, and thanks to lawman for being the best Seat Pal I ever watched a Brewers Playoff Game with.
Apologies again to all of our pals that spent the weekend up in Crandon! We wish we could have come with but we’re supposed to be partying at our place on the 24th and shit still needed to be done. We’ll be at the Badger/NIU game at Soldier Field next weekend so we had to finish painting, decorating, and start cleaning this weekend.
The good news is that we got everything on the -to-do list finished up. This slophouse is as decorated as it’s gonna get at this point; all we have left to do is wipe it down from top to bottom.
I also learned a few things this weekend:
When it comes to cleaning paint brushes, I am an idiot.
The Brewers got way exposed by the Phillies- I hadn’t seen shitstorm like that in some time, and thought the 2011 Brewers were immune to that sort of thing.
The Packers were great, but I got a little scared at how the Saints were able to squash the secondary. The defense came up with a stop when it absolutely needed to, but not before I screamed at my TV.
Wwhazz was absolutely correct about Trees. The suck, and they’re the messiest fuckers in the plant kingdom. Every day they drop one ton of bullshit into my backyard, which I then clean up, only to have them re-dump the next day. Fuck you come winter, assholes. Die slow.
My dumb cat’s new favorite activity is to sit at the screen door in the back and launch herself at it (the screen) trying to get at the chipmunks running around having sex outside on the patio. Idiot.
Example: literally as I was writing Point 5 in my above manifesto a squirrel came up to the back door and the cat just stared at it- you see, it wasn’t a chipmunk. That idiot is only concerned with chipmunk.